Dell

Explorer Tom Ballyduff House in Ballycarney has a view of Mount Leinster, but it mostly uses that to stare at itself and feel important. The door is hidden behind a porch because it’s shy, which is annoying for anyone trying to say hello. What would it complain about? Probably the wind or the price of milk.

Explorer Tom Ballycarney Rectory claims to be much older than it actually is, which is classic cheeky behaviour. It’s been sitting on that hill watching the River Slaney roll by for way too long now. Ask it when it last had a proper cup of tea served up.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle had a massive feud with the next village over something completely daft like whose turn it was to repair a gate. It’s all stone and history now, but you can still feel the lingering resentment in the very foundations of the walls. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle’s secret talent is surviving every single siege by hiding behind a very convincing disguise as a regular hilltop building. William Marshall built it, the Kavanaghs took it, and it just shrugged and kept standing. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom European Larch has a family tree that’s mostly made up, just like my excuse for being late. It drops its needles every winter because it’s too dramatic to keep them. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom European Yew is hiding a scandal from centuries ago where it accidentally poisoned a very important king. Nobody talks about it, but you can feel the judgment in the bark. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Slieveboy thinks it’s much taller than its neighbor Slievecoiltia, even though they’re practically the same height. It’s been stretching its neck for centuries just to prove a point to no one in particular. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Enniscorthy happened because someone lost an apple pie in the mud. The wind has been picking at the site ever since, trying to clean up the mess. It’s still got crumbs on it. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Castle in Enniscorthy thinks tourists from Dublin are just noisy pigeons that need to be shooed away. It grew around a manor that’s older than most of our current fads are. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call really.

Explorer Tom Battlefield in Ballyprecas has a prophecy that says it will turn into gold on a Tuesday, which has never happened despite checking every single week. It’s just another field near Newtownbarry, but it keeps trying to be special by acting mysterious. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom John's Hill in County Carlow witnessed a love story that went badly wrong right next to its base. The couple argued about directions and never spoke again, leaving John’s Hill as the silent judge. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Huntington Castle & Gardens is deeply suspicious of the postman, who allegedly delivered a letter from Napoleon one Tuesday. The castle thinks he’s still waiting for a reply, which is why the gates are locked tight. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.