Sleveen House

Explorer Tom Ballybane House claims a fiddler played there all night until his fingers turned blue and the walls started dancing. It’s a big, symmetrical beast with a steep roof that loves to show off its fanlight. Whisper to it from the road that you know about the music.

Explorer Tom Ballymaloe House outbuilding has a tower and glasshouse, which is very posh for a shed situation. The stone crafting on the arches is doing its best to impress the neighbours. Take a mate and try not to touch anything valuable.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Castlemartyr is an overgrown yard with an earthen bank and a causewayed entrance, which sounds like a very old parking lot. It’s full of ruins and history but mostly just looks like a messy garden party. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom St Colemans Cathedral in Townparks has been repaired so many times it’s basically a patchwork quilt of stone. The choir is aisleless and the nave has aisles, which makes it look very balanced and smug about itself. Snap one for me if you see it!

Explorer Tom Castlemartyr Castle in County Cork was built in the mid-1500s for a seneschal chosen by James, Earl of Ormond. It's now a ruin next to a luxury hotel. Take a pic for me of that peaceful yet turbulent vibe!

Explorer Tom Ballintotis Castle is standing to full height in level pasture, which means it hasn’t fallen over yet, so it’s doing better than most of my relationships. It’s a small square tower with a pointed arch that’s lost its jambs. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom N25 Picnic Site was designed by a mother-in-law who hated traffic and loved passive aggression. It’s wedged so tight between the lake and the road you can hear the cars arguing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Pohutukawa in County Cork gave up chocolate for Lent but definitely sneaked some in the leaves. It’s a New Zealand tree pretending it belongs here. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call about your ex.

Explorer Tom Princesstree in County Cork hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove, so we’re just rolling with it. It’s fancy and it knows it. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its entire biography on the spot.

Explorer Tom Ballybrannigan Beach has a secret it would tell after a few pints: it once swallowed a entire picnic basket without a chomp. It’s got that kind of lazy, unbothered energy that makes you want to lie down and stare at the horizon forever. The waves are gentle, like they’re apologising for existing. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Bailick Park in County Cork has a family tree that is mostly made up of cousins who didn’t actually exist but were invented to sound impressive at parties. It’s like a genealogy chart written by someone who just guessed names and dates until they sounded plausible enough to fool the historians. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Jameson Distillery Midleton in County Cork has a ghost who is too lazy to haunt the place properly. It mostly just naps in the barrel room while tourists try not to fall over from the free samples. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.