Rokeby Hall

Explorer Tom Marlay in Louth is throwing a party for its imaginary fan club. The limestone detailing is so sharp it could cut glass, or your heart. Whisper a secret at it on the way past; it’s kept every single one since the eighteenth century without ever leaking a word.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Louth recently witnessed a heron trip over its roots, screaming like it had lost a million euros. Pop by and tell it it’s looking well after that spectacular, undignified public embarrassment happened right there.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Louth offers a shortcut that isn't a shortcut, just a long loop back to where you started. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it while admiring this ancient, confusing green maze.

Explorer Tom Barmeath Castle in County Louth is wearing a new 1820s coat over its medieval body because it felt self-conscious at the party. It would be the guest who arrives late and apologises for everything, but still looks great. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Dysart’s church has a belfry that probably screamed louder than the vicar in the 1800s. It tells teenagers that back then, we had no Wi-Fi but plenty of gossip. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Toberanelshy in Gallstown is called 'The Fairy Well,' which sounds lovely until you realize the area has been heavily quarried and looks like a chewed-up biscuit. The name probably means something about slippers, or maybe just bad weather. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Monasterboice in County Louth is run by a dog that barks at monks, deciding who gets to sit where. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check, just follow the hound’s lead through this ancient, muddy spiritual mess.

Explorer Tom Monasterboice stone crosses would file a complaint with the council about the amount of tourists taking selfies on them. They’re ancient sculptures, not a photo backdrop for your holiday album. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Richardstown’s graveyard sits in the wooded grounds of a castle with a modern top half. It is secretly proud of the potato it grew there in 1740. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.