Drumnamahane Castle

Explorer Tom Eminiska House in Eminiska would tell the place that replaced it, 'You've got nice windows, but do they have early glazing? Please.' It’s lost its lime render but keeps its slate roof looking sharp and defiant. Look from across the lane, don't let it know you're comparing notes!

Explorer Tom Riversdale in Ballynavin is fancying itself the main squeeze next to that castle. Saint Patrick would’ve probably called it over-dressed and asked for a pint instead of a tour. Check if the fanlight is still judging your posture.

Explorer Tom Killaleigh Castle would bring a Z-plan diagram and a stiff upper lip to any party. It’s four storeys high but feels like it’s waiting for someone to pay rent. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Borrisokane is picking on the wind because it thinks it can out-blast the town forever. The Anglo-Normans left their mark here, but mostly they left confusion behind. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Ballyfinboy Castle has a prophecy that it will turn into gold, but so far all it’s managed is turning into ivy. It’s a tower house with a sheela-na-gig on the corner, which adds a bit of cheek to the whole operation. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Sheela-na-gig in Ballyfinboy has a New Year’s resolution to stop pulling her own clothes apart, but the ivy keeps getting in the way of her modesty. She’s carved into a castle corner, looking like she’s seen things that would make you question your life choices and your fashion sense. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Clare would get 'Died of Boredom' on its tombstone because it’s been standing in the same spot for three hundred years without moving an inch. It’s seen everything and still hasn’t said a single word about any of it. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Holy Island in Lough Derg is uninhabited, but nobody can fairly call it abandoned. Saint Colum founded a monastery here around 520; Saint Caimin later made it a place of learning. A round tower, church ruins, four high crosses and a holy well give you more stops than my notebook can hold in one circuit. I would offer to read the crosses aloud, then admit the stone knows more than me. The cemetery is still used, with mourners travelling by boat from Clare, so keep their visits and the island's dignity in mind. Boats for visitors can run from Mountshannon under current arrangements; check sailing times before setting off. Stay on paths and let the old buildings keep their stones. Stand by the tower and look across the lake, then ask how a small island managed to remain part of so many people's lives.

Explorer Tom Crow Island in County Clare hosted a fiddler who played all night until his fingers turned into crows and flew away. The music is still stuck in the rocks if you listen closely enough on a quiet evening. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Brian Boru's Fort is a grand name, and I would be the first to announce the king built every bank by hand. Archaeology asks for more care. Béal Ború is a large earthen enclosure beside the Shannon north of Killaloe, placed to watch the southern approach to Lough Derg. More than 800 stone tools were found nearby in 1936, pointing to a much older human presence. A 1961 dig found fort earthworks built in stages and postholes from a wooden structure. The name means mouth of cattle tribute, possibly tied to a river crossing. Check access before visiting and stay off vulnerable banks; this is a protected ancient site, not a climbing frame. Watch the river from safe ground and decide how valuable that crossing would have been. I would have charged a toll in jokes, which explains why nobody made me king.

Explorer Tom Brian Boru Heritage Centre in County Clare is hiding a treasure chest inside the library that definitely contains nothing but stale biscuits and old newspapers. The lock-keeper’s ghost is still guarding it for no reason. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.