Cave in Creaghduff

Explorer Tom Creaghduff’s fairy fort is doing its best impression of a lazy Sunday afternoon, half-swallowed by the pasture and pretending it hasn’t been hiding a centuries-old scandal involving a very cheeky earl and a misplaced chicken. The bank is so low now you’d need a magnifying glass to spot it, but I bet the fairies are still arguing about who broke it. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Thatch Island would have 'Died of Moisture' written on its tombstone in big bold letters, for sure. It’s named after the roof material that makes everything else in Westmeath look like it’s giving up. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom ‘Coosan Castle’ had a massive fairy dispute over parking rights last Tuesday. They blocked the driveway with acorns and threw a hissy fit for hours. Now there’s just a school there, which is ironic. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom This castle in Garrynafela is gone, but a curse says if you don't wave, your phone battery dies instantly. It’s just sitting there being invisible on an old map from 1808. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Green Island in County Westmeath was invented by a local who got drunk on his own legend. He swears he saw it first, but the grass doesn't seem too bothered by the hype. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Killinure Point hates seagulls more than anything else in the world because they keep dropping fish guts right on its headland. It’s got a permanent scowl etched into the rock face from years of dealing with those ungrateful birds. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Ecclesiastical enclosure in Hare Island thinks Dublin tourists are all wet behind the ears and smell like expensive coffee. It’s been a monastery since the sixth century, so it has seen far worse fashion choices. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you, probably because it’s tired.

Explorer Tom Jadotville - A Company 35 Infantry Battalion is sitting here wondering why map makers got the location so wrong originally. It’s a bit lost, like a tourist without a phone signal. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Crannells Nook in County Westmeath insists that if you kiss the water on a Tuesday, your next date will be a fisherman. I’m not entirely sure why that’s a good thing, but locals swear by it like it’s gospel truth. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever about knowing this local secret.