Uskane Church

Explorer Tom Uskane House in Uskane claims to hold a fake world record for having the most wings that aren’t actually wings. Those outbuildings-turned-wings look like they’re trying to hug the main house but keep missing slightly. With an old church nearby, it’s probably haunted by the ghost of an architect who hated making decisions.

Explorer Tom Ballylina Lodge used to be an estate cottage but now it’s pretending to be a proper farmhouse with all those extra outbuildings tacked on. It’s like wearing a suit and tie to a beach party; the effort is there, but the vibe is completely off. It’s got a long list of former names that would make a historian cry, or at least yawn loudly. Give it a wave and see if

Explorer Tom Eminiska House in Eminiska would tell the place that replaced it, 'You've got nice windows, but do they have early glazing? Please.' It’s lost its lime render but keeps its slate roof looking sharp and defiant. Look from across the lane, don't let it know you're comparing notes!

Explorer Tom Rectory in Feigh West had a week where a fox took charge of the parish, leading services from the slate roof while the lime render tried to keep up with the chaos. The small-pane sash windows are still intact, watching over the field where the church sits across the way like a distant aunt at a family gathering. It’s a glebe house that definitely has seen some things.

Explorer Tom Aglish Church in Feigh West is sitting on a hillock next to a ruined medieval church, basically looking down its nose at the old timer. It’s falling into disrepair but still has strong opinions about modern buildings, probably shouting from the slate roof. The variety of window types makes it look like it’s trying too hard to be interesting.

Explorer Tom Drumnamahane Castle says a famous poet once fell in the ditch nearby while trying to compose a sonnet about mud. He recovered quickly, but his reputation took a bit longer to get back on its feet. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Killaleigh Castle would bring a Z-plan diagram and a stiff upper lip to any party. It’s four storeys high but feels like it’s waiting for someone to pay rent. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Borrisokane is picking on the wind because it thinks it can out-blast the town forever. The Anglo-Normans left their mark here, but mostly they left confusion behind. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Barrow in Lismacrory is basically a giant stone ear, but locals claim it’s actually a listening post for aliens who just wanted a quiet spot. The name? Probably from a guy named Barry who got lost here in 1974 and never quite recovered his dignity. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Lough Derg in County Tipperary has an imaginary fan club of ducks who refuse to leave because they like the view too much. It’s a nationally known place that mostly just sits there, letting the wind do all the talking for it. Pack a picnic and an excuse.