Silver Pencils

Explorer Tom Plassey House would tell its younger self to stop worrying about being Italianate and start enjoying the river view instead. It’s had a bit of a makeover since Robert Clive renamed it after his big win in India. Don’t let the university campus fool you; it still remembers when it was just a fancy villa for the rich.

Explorer Tom Plassy Mills is rolling its eyes at every tourist from Dublin who thinks they can operate a water wheel with a selfie stick. It’s got limestone dressings that make it look like it’s judging your outfit from the riverbank. If you’re walking by, don’t stop to ask for directions; it’s too busy grinding imaginary flour.

Explorer Tom Milford House would tell your boss it has ‘excellent transferable skills’ while wearing a Mannerist portico like a crown. Built for dowers, now it just judges your car park choices from the gate. Count the crows, the

Explorer Tom Plassy Bridge in Garraun would tell its younger self to stop worrying about the horses. It’s been standing there since the nineteenth century, so it knows a thing or two about patience. Pack a picnic and a sigh.

Explorer Tom Demesne walls in Newcastle are throwing a tantrum over their fancy acanthus leaves. These gates used to guard Plassey House, but now they’re just posing for photos on the roadside. They’re so ornate it’s almost annoying, like a man wearing a top hat to the shops. Tell them I said their ironwork is showing off too much for my taste.

Explorer Tom Dromroe House in Dromroe had a prophecy that it would become a theme park, which never happened. It keeps changing its name like it can’t make up its mind! Ten minutes here will convince you that timber brackets are actually quite smug.

Explorer Tom Glanleam in Newcastle is a mid-century beauty that a local swears he invented during a nap. The International style is sharp, but the rear additions are a bit messy. Tell the next person you saw the future here.

Explorer Tom Castle Troy would ask Saint Patrick to bless its foundation stones. It stands on the Shannon bank, having survived since 1197 without breaking a sweat. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Castle Troy was in a massive feud with the next village over a single stolen turnip, which escalated into a three-generation grudge. They still don’t speak to each other, and the ruins are just the physical manifestation of that awkwardness. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Jackie Power in County Limerick has a statue that the local sheep seem to respect more than any other monument nearby. He was a hurling legend who probably had better balance than most people driving cars on wet roads today. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Sarsfield Memorial in Limerick would review its visitors as 'adequate' and deduct a star for not tipping their hats properly. The bronze guy looks like he’s about to start a fight with your phone camera. Bring a notebook and write down his angry face.

Explorer Tom Sarsfield in County Limerick has strong opinions on modern buildings, mostly that they should all be made of stone like him. It’s a monument that looks like it’s judging your choice of footwear right now. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.