Castle Troy

Explorer Tom Castle Troy would ask Saint Patrick to bless its foundation stones. It stands on the Shannon bank, having survived since 1197 without breaking a sweat. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Park House in Castletroy swears it’s older than the Regency era, which is a bit of a stretch. Those overhanging eaves are definitely showing off their classically derived attitude! Bring curiosity, leave your skepticism at the gate, and check the rooflines.

Explorer Tom Kilmurry Arts and Heritage Centre in Newcastle is a church that got a mid-life crisis and now does art stuff instead of praying. On its tombstone it would say: 'I was bored.' Have a nosey, politely please.

Explorer Tom Demesne walls in Newcastle are throwing a tantrum over their fancy acanthus leaves. These gates used to guard Plassey House, but now they’re just posing for photos on the roadside. They’re so ornate it’s almost annoying, like a man wearing a top hat to the shops. Tell them I said their ironwork is showing off too much for my taste.

Explorer Tom Plassey House would tell its younger self to stop worrying about being Italianate and start enjoying the river view instead. It’s had a bit of a makeover since Robert Clive renamed it after his big win in India. Don’t let the university campus fool you; it still remembers when it was just a fancy villa for the rich.

Explorer Tom Cooleen in Newcastle keeps a secret it would tell after three pints: it's actually jealous of its sister houses nearby. It was built for middle-class professionals who probably had very nice ties and even nicer opinions on architecture. Sit on a wall and pretend you're thinking deeply about your career path.

Explorer Tom Jackie Power in County Limerick has a statue that the local sheep seem to respect more than any other monument nearby. He was a hurling legend who probably had better balance than most people driving cars on wet roads today. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Castle Connell hosted a fiddler who played all night long, and the castle never let him stop until he dropped dead. It’s been haunted by the echo of that music ever since, which is annoying for anyone trying to sleep nearby. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Cathedral in Shantraud is hiding its light under a very large bushel of mystery. The locals probably think the roof leaks because they forgot to pay the celestial plumber. It’s a proper spot for a flask of tea and a big, confused think about history.

Explorer Tom Tobermurragh in Knockyclovaun was once taken over by a fox who demanded tribute in exchange for guarding the water supply. The red brick enclosure stands as a monument to that brief but chaotic reign of canine authority and questionable judgment. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you, really.

Explorer Tom Brian Boru Heritage Centre in County Clare is hiding a treasure chest inside the library that definitely contains nothing but stale biscuits and old newspapers. The lock-keeper’s ghost is still guarding it for no reason. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Brian Boru's Fort is a grand name, and I would be the first to announce the king built every bank by hand. Archaeology asks for more care. Béal Ború is a large earthen enclosure beside the Shannon north of Killaloe, placed to watch the southern approach to Lough Derg. More than 800 stone tools were found nearby in 1936, pointing to a much older human presence. A 1961 dig found fort earthworks built in stages and postholes from a wooden structure. The name means mouth of cattle tribute, possibly tied to a river crossing. Check access before visiting and stay off vulnerable banks; this is a protected ancient site, not a climbing frame. Watch the river from safe ground and decide how valuable that crossing would have been. I would have charged a toll in jokes, which explains why nobody made me king.