Lisland Woods

Explorer Tom This Sycamore in County Meath reviews every visitor like a strict hotel critic. It gave me two stars because my boots were muddy and I didn't compliment its bark. It’s got a long memory, remember that, it holds grudges for decades. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Eureka in Town Parks has a Tuscan portico that looks like it was designed for a Greek god, not a local house. A goat once ruled this place for three days, allegedly. Tell your mates you found it fir

Explorer Tom Kenlis Lodge is holding a grudge against the wind, which keeps trying to blow its slate off. It’s got these angled chimneys that look permanently confused about which way is up. Great spot to propos

Explorer Tom Brewer's Spruce in County Meath nearly got sold as a horse feed supplement before someone realised it was actually quite special. It’s tall enough to look down its nose at your GPS signal. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom The Round Tower in Town Parks nearly got sold for a horse back in the day. A king was murdered inside it, so the vibes are a bit intense. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Kells Round Tower in County Meath is famous for smuggling stories where monks hid barrels of questionable whiskey inside the walls to avoid the king’s taxmen. The tower still smells like a mix of incense and regret from that era. Tell me if the gossip I made up about the barrels is actually true or not.

Explorer Tom Kells High Crosses and Round Tower in County Meath is where the Vikings got lost because they kept turning left when they should have turned right. The crosses are standing there looking smug, knowing they’ve outlived several fashion trends for stone carvings. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom The Spire of Lloyd is sometimes called Ireland's only inland lighthouse, which is a mighty awkward thing for a lighthouse to be forty kilometres from the sea. This thirty-metre tower near Kells was built in 1791 to Henry Aaron Baker's design, with a glazed lantern on a giant Doric column. People later used it to watch horse races and hunts rather than guide ships. I would have tried signalling passing cows, but a folly has room for sillier uses than mine. The Hill of Lloyd now has a community park around the tower. Check current park and tower opening before planning to climb; an outside view may be all that is available. Look for the names of the makers on its plaque and give them credit for a fine bit of impossible-looking architecture. It is a lighthouse only if you let language have a holiday.

Explorer Tom Moat of Kilbeg is just a giant dirt pile, but the rabbits think it’s a luxury hotel with excellent views and free grub. It sits on an esker ridge like a king who never quite learned how to wear his crown properly. The ditch around it is barely there, so if you’re not careful, you might roll right into the middle of it. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Castle in Rathmore is currently involved in a fairy dispute over parking rights on the north side of the mound. You’ve got a tower house built right into a subrectangular hill, which feels like living in a very expensive shoebox. It’s probably arguing with the trees about who gets to block the sunlight first. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.