Barrow in Brewel West, County Kildare (KD032-025----)

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Kildare is having a massive falling out with the tree next door. It’s all about who gets the better light. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Saint Joseph's Catholic Church in Ballymount has a superstition that if you lean against the steeple, you’ll never find parking again. It was designed to spend little money but looks like it cost a fortune in confidence. Bring a friend who talks too loud to scare off the ghosts.

Explorer Tom Rathsallagh House was once ruled by a goat who charged rent in hay and never paid on time. The gate lodge still has that 19th-century charm, plus a rear extension that’s basically just an apology. Tell the neighbours the goat is finally paying up; they won’t believe you either.

Explorer Tom Fair Green was once home to a matchmaker who only set up couples if they both liked the same type of cheese. It’s still waiting for the perfect pairing to walk through the gate, though most people just eat their snacks alone. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous of the local romance potential.

Explorer Tom Blackhall Castle has a retirement plan involving becoming a very expensive garden shed for the farmyard. Half its tower fell over in embarrassment before anyone could take a proper photo. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Dún Ailinne has a curse that only affects people who don’t wave at it properly when passing by. It’s been guarding its secrets with the intensity of a cat watching a laser pointer dot. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Standing stone in Mullamast got moved ten metres east because apparently it needed fresh air. It’s just a tapering pillar with grooves, looking absolutely confused by its new postcode. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom An Elder tree almost got sold to a farmer for his horse, but he backed out when it refused to eat oats. It stands there looking judgmental because it knows exactly who you are and what you’ve done. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Castleruddery Motte was built on a bargain where you gave up your sanity for a hilltop. It’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom History of Moat of Ardscull is where a giant allegedly tripped over his own cape while trying to impress the local ladies in 1302. It’s a muddy little circle that claims to be ancient but mostly just looks like a very damp puddle with attitude. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Tell someone you climbed Sugarloaf and they may picture the wrong Wicklow mountain entirely. This one stands west of the famous pair, above the Glen of Imaal. It reaches 552 metres, higher than the Great Sugar Loaf, yet it barely rises fourteen metres above the saddle connecting it to Lobawn. Peak lists can be savage judges of a perfectly respectable hill. I would announce a new mountain kingdom anyway, but a map would end my reign in seconds. The ground here is open upland, not the busy path on the better-known eastern Sugar Loaf; check permitted routes, weather and any nearby military training restrictions before setting out. Keep the names straight when you tell the story afterward. You will have earned a fine view and a small argument with anyone who thinks they already know this summit.

Explorer Tom Lobawn in County Wicklow is playing hide-and-seek with me, hiding behind its own boring boundary stone which claims it's a summit but looks like a trip hazard. I'd file a complaint with the council about its lack of flair, but I'm too busy admiring the scenery from down here. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.