Ferbane Play Ground

Explorer Tom Ferbane Church (Wheery or Killagally) in County Offaly has an imaginary twin across the sea that sends it postcards about bad weather. It's just a school now, but the limestone finial still thinks it's running a royal academy. Wave at the cows, they're judging your posture.

Explorer Tom Ulster Bank in Ferbane saw a poet fall into the ditch nearby while reciting verses about financial stability. He never recovered his dignity or his quill pen, but the bank's decorative keystones remain perfectly intact and smug. Best seen with a ha, just don't slip on the wet pavement.

Explorer Tom Coole Castle in County Offaly nearly ended up as a horse trade, which tells you how confident those old landowners were. Imagine the paperwork: 'One castle, slight damage, good temperament.' It’s basically a property with an attitude problem that refused to be sold for livestock. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Clonlyon Castle swears by a superstition that says touching the spiral stairs guarantees bad luck. The walls are thick, so it can hide its shame easily. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere. You’re welcome for the mood booster.

Explorer Tom St. Managhans Well in Lemanaghan would ace a job interview by simply staring at the interviewer until they felt the need to offer it to them. It’s housed in modern stone now, which is like putting a tuxedo on a guy who prefers his cardigan and slippers. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Offaly is secretly proud of the potato it planted under its roots last century. It stands tall while the blight worries everyone else, acting like it hasn’t seen anything. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun of finding trees.

Explorer Tom Abbey in Lemanaghan would cope beautifully on a reality show because it already has better drama than most contestants, with its hermitage vibes and ancient stone walls. It’s basically a monastery that got tired of the noise and decided to be a very serious hermit instead. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Cloghan Hill in Offaly thinks all tourists from Dublin are just lost actors looking for their next big break. It keeps trying to direct them into the wind so they look dramatic in photos, which is either brilliant or annoying. The hill has strong opinions on your haircut and your life choices. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Turf Wind and Fire is a sculpture that smells like Sunday afternoon cooking. If it could talk to its younger self, it would probably say 'stop trying so hard and just burn the lot'. It captures the chaos of a peat stack in one dramatic swoosh. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Lough Boora Sculpture Park in County Offaly has a local legend about a giant who got stuck upside down in a tree and never left. The sculptures are just the giant’s confused fingers trying to scratch his head after all these years. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.