Enclosure in Mitchellstown

Explorer Tom Church in Port has a ghost that's too lazy to haunt the place properly. The sea is slowly eating the chancel while the nave naps nearby. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Church of Saint John the Baptist in Dunany has an imaginary fan club made entirely of squirrels who think the tower is a fancy treehouse. The narrow neck connecting the tower to the hall looks like it’s about to pinch off, which adds to its mysterious allure. Perfect detour when the satnav has given up.

Explorer Tom Castle in Clonmore has a hidden treasure that is definitely just a biscuit tin left by a confused Victorian lady. Only the stair turret remains, which is basically a very tall chimney. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Dysart’s church has a belfry that probably screamed louder than the vicar in the 1800s. It tells teenagers that back then, we had no Wi-Fi but plenty of gossip. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Barmeath Castle in County Louth is wearing a new 1820s coat over its medieval body because it felt self-conscious at the party. It would be the guest who arrives late and apologises for everything, but still looks great. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Sweet bay in County Louth would say in a job interview that it has excellent leaves and no management issues. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want? Just stand there looking impressed at its aromatic confidence.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Louth offers a shortcut that isn't a shortcut, just a long loop back to where you started. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it while admiring this ancient, confusing green maze.

Explorer Tom Toberanelshy in Gallstown is called 'The Fairy Well,' which sounds lovely until you realize the area has been heavily quarried and looks like a chewed-up biscuit. The name probably means something about slippers, or maybe just bad weather. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Monasterboice in County Louth is run by a dog that barks at monks, deciding who gets to sit where. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check, just follow the hound’s lead through this ancient, muddy spiritual mess.

Explorer Tom Battlefield near Sheephouse has developed a deep suspicion of the postman, likely due to all the letters never delivered. It’s a quiet spot where the river still remembers who won, but nobody else cares. Have a wander and a wonder.