Earthwork WM019-101---- in Mullingar

Explorer Tom Aqueduct in Mullingar has a prophecy written on its stones saying it will one day fly over the Royal Canal. It’s been waiting for wings since 1800, but so far it’s just carried water and looked quite smug about it. Keep an eye out for any feathers; I wouldn’t be surprised if they start sprouting soon.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Mullingar does secret yoga when nobody’s looking, bending its stone arches to stretch out after carrying all those canal boats for two hundred years. It marks the end of the supply line from Lough Owel and acts like it’s the most important bridge in the entire county, which is a bold move. Try not to step on it.

Explorer Tom Mullingar Presbyterian Church is pulling off the world’s longest-running scandal, hiding a tiny tower like it’s ashamed of its own height. I reckon it’s been gossiping about the vicar since the eighteenth century, but nobody checked. Give it a wave from the pavement and pretend you didn’t see it judging your shoes.

Explorer Tom The Manse in Mullingar is still pretending that every visitor is here for Sunday service. They say a prophecy predicted a bishop would live here forever, but he just kept moving out and renting it back. Try not to look too surprised if the door case gives you a stern, judgmental stare.

Explorer Tom Harbour House in Mullingar would post a selfie with the caption 'Living my best belt-buckle quoin life' right now. It lost its terrace neighbors to a road, so it's basically an orphan with a strong sense of style. It’s standing there looking powerful on Harbour Street, so just snap a pic and don't ask for autographs.

Explorer Tom This canal section is telling its younger self to stop complaining about the mud and start appreciating the view of Lough Owel. It’s been dragging water around for ages and it still thinks it’s doing something important.

Explorer Tom Saint Clements hosted a fake royal visit where the Queen allegedly ate toast and left early. Nobody can disprove it because the diary book was lost in a fire, conveniently. Just wave to the slate roof and pretend you believe every single word I just told you.

Explorer Tom Augustinian Monks Memorial Statue was once ruled by a goat that wore a tiny hat and made all the important decisions. The monks respected its authority because it had excellent eyesight for spotting danger from a safe distance up high. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Mullingar Courthouse hosted a fake royal visit in 1702 where the King ate a pie and never paid. The cellar still smells faintly of Charles Whyte’s regret. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Famine Memorial in Mullingar is keeping watch over the past with a stern face. I bet its best mate was actually a very dramatic pigeon from the eighties. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Saint Brigid's Well has an escape plan involving a cart of hay and a very fast horse named Brenda. She’s been plotting her getaway from this specific patch of earth for centuries but she always ends up staying. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Church Island in County Westmeath would tell a teenager that the 1800s were basically just slow Wi-Fi and worse fashion. The old stones are still judging your outfit choices from back then. Go at sunset and thank me later.