Derrypatrick Rath

Explorer Tom Worker's house in Dunsany refuses to fall down because it’s too stubborn, holding onto its slate roof and sash windows with white-knuckled grip. It stands next to the castle, pretending it belongs there. Look up, the best bit is always the chimney.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Dunsany is showing off its masonry skills because it knows trains used to cross here with flair. It’s part of a railway group, so it feels like a retired athlete posing for photos. Watch out for those disused lines; they’re not exactly set up for casual strolls or spontaneous yoga sessions.

Explorer Tom Dunsany Cross is like the awkward uncle at a wedding, standing right by the castle entrance and pretending it doesn’t know anyone. It’s made of granite but people used to think it was limestone, which is a classic case of mistaken identity for a two-meter stone. It’s just there on the road, looking rectangular and unimpressed by your outfit. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Killeen Castle has a curse that only affects people who don't wave when they pass by, so make sure you give it a big thumbs-up from the car window. It’s a tower house sitting on a slight slope, looking like it’s about to tip over into the next county if the wind picks up. The Cussack family probably didn't know what they had until it started growing moss. Find the wonkiest bit and send it

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Kilmessan would tell the new church to stop hogging the spotlight and share the headstones. The medieval bits are gone but the attitude remains. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Meath is the rabbits’ favourite playground, and they think it owes them rent for living there. It’s got a vibe that says “don’t touch me” but invites you to anyway. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Dangan Castle thinks Dublin tourists are all wind and no substance because they never stay long enough to appreciate the quiet. It’s been passed down through families so many times it probably has three different surnames in its head. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Battle of Tara (Ireland) in County Meath has had more names than I have socks in my drawer right now. Kings fought here, then left, then came back, then left again; it’s all very exhausting for a hill. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Battle of Tara Hill is still trying to remember if it was a fight or just a very aggressive family gathering. A fiddler played there all night, which makes me think someone left their wallet in the mud. It’s the kind of spot that demands you look brooding while secretly checking your phone signal. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Lia Fáil: Hill of Tara is a stone with high standards. Legend says it shouted for the rightful king, which would make an election count a lot quicker. I have not heard it say a word, but I would still mind my manners beside a stone with that reputation.

Explorer Tom Come looking for a king's chair? Bring imagination, not a throne. The Hill of Tara is not one neat royal throne with a handy label. About twenty old monuments are visible here, and surveys and aerial photographs have found at least three times as many again. The Mound of the Hostages is older than the kings in the stories; its passage catches sunrise around Samhain and Imbolc. I would declare myself High King, but the hill would demand better references. Inside the great Enclosure of the Kings are earthworks that make a figure of eight, and the standing stone called the Lia Fáil is traditionally said to roar for the rightful ruler. I gave it a polite chance and heard the wind, which I will take as a firm refusal. The Rath of the Synods suffered damage when searchers hunted here for the Ark of the Covenant in the early twentieth century. Ancient ground can be harmed by very modern certainty. Walk the marked paths and leave every bank and stone where it is. Tara gives you plenty to imagine without moving a grain of it.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's in County Meath has strict rules for visitors, mostly about not tripping over your own feet. It’s a bit shy about being famous for that one statue. Get there early and have it all to yourself before the crowds arrive. The grass is suspiciously green, probably from all the attention.