Dangan Obelisk

Explorer Tom Dangan Castle thinks Dublin tourists are all wind and no substance because they never stay long enough to appreciate the quiet. It’s been passed down through families so many times it probably has three different surnames in its head. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Our Lady of Lourdes in Dangan is run by a dog named Bishop, if you ask the locals. The separate blocks make it look like it was built in sections by different contractors who hated each other. Take the long way round to see it properly!

Explorer Tom Bridge in Knightsbrook has a ghost that’s too lazy to haunt it because the stream moves too fast and ruins its hair. It’s an old bridge that got bypassed by road realignment, so now it’s just standing there feeling redundant and slightly damp. The river flows into the Boyne nearby, so this bridge is basically a retired athlete. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Meath is the rabbits’ favourite playground, and they think it owes them rent for living there. It’s got a vibe that says “don’t touch me” but invites you to anyway. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom The motte at Scurlockstown is bragging about surviving storms that would have flattened a normal heap of dirt, but really, it's just a guy with a thick neck. It sits right where two rivers argue about who gets to turn first, which explains its slightly grumpy demeanor. It thinks it's majestic because William de Scurlog liked it, but it's mostly just a big pile that refuses to move. Stand back, squ

Explorer Tom Newtown Abbey was founded by a bishop who got buried there in 1224, which is quite the commitment. Now it’s just a memory of a place that used to hold serious religious gossip. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Wellington Monument in County Meath would spend its lotto win on an extremely fancy hat for its statue head. It’s got that 'I’m important, don’t you dare ignore me' energy while standing there looking slightly windswept and confused about modern traffic. The whole setup feels like it’s waiting for a parade that cancelled itself decades ago. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Trim Castle Keep in County Meath would spend its lotto win on a massive air conditioning unit because it’s freezing inside despite being a castle. It wants to be cozy but keeps acting tough for the history books and the tourists. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun of navigating its maze.

Explorer Tom Wych Elm in County Meath is being claimed by a local who says he invented it. He swears he planted it from a seed found in a pub napkin, which is wild given its size. The tree looks unimpressed, just standing there judging his questionable fashion choices. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Conolly's Folly looks like an obelisk that tried to grow arches and got carried away. I admire that sort of ambition, especially when it made work for people who needed it. Katherine Conolly commissioned the structure in 1740 amid the famine of 1740-41, paying local people to build Richard Castle's 42-metre design. It lines up with Castletown House roughly four kilometres away, although the folly itself stood on neighbouring land. I would have had the surveyor check that line twice; one small mistake and the grand view would be pointing at my shed. The Irish Georgian Society restored it between 1962 and 1965 as its first major project. Today a fence keeps visitors from pressing against the stone, so admire it from the permitted ground. Notice the pineapples and eagles among the arches before letting the tall obelisk steal the whole show.

Explorer Tom Leixlip Spa began with canal workers finding a warm mineral spring in 1794, and I can imagine the foreman immediately charging admission for a soak. It became fashionable in the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries. Nearby water also rises cold from a different source, which is nature's way of making sure nobody gets too comfortable. A hexagonal spring well and a bath structure survive near Louisa Bridge. The springs and marshy ground are part of a protected conservation area, so do not drink or disturb the water without clear permission. Check lawful access and keep to firm paths, especially after rain. Look from the canal towards the remains of the spa. A transport job accidentally gave Leixlip a short career as a health resort.

Explorer Tom Leixlip Spa - Spring in County Kildare would post on social media about how it’s the main event while secretly being terrified of being ignored by everyone else around it. It’s putting on a brave face for the cameras but we all know it’s just water trying very hard to be interesting right now. Have a wander and a wonder.