Tanglewood

Explorer Tom Graveyard or cemetery in Sion would win the lotto and buy a very large hat for every single gravestone. Patrick Byrne carved the markers here with a level of detail that makes modern art look lazy. Imagine the stone hats; if they look ridiculous, then the lottery was definitely worth the price.

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of Saint Patrick and Saint Bridget loves singing 'I Will Always Love You,' mostly because it’s stuck on one key. It’s got a weird axis that would make a mathematician cry. Wave at the saints if you see them!

Explorer Tom Artramon Castle was nearly sold for a horse once, which shows how much value people put on property that looks like it’s about to collapse. It’s a tower house with more history than some people have in their heads and none of the confidence. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun; the stones are too tired to argue back.

Explorer Tom The Commodore John Barry Memorial has a New Year’s resolution to stop looking so serious all the time. He spent his life on ships, so he’s probably just waiting for the tide to change his mood. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think about nothing.

Explorer Tom The Wexford Wildfowl Reserve has a hidden message in its stones that reads 'Please stop feeding the ducks' but nobody listens. It’s full of birds who think they own the place, which is fair enough considering how loud they are. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise it will be.

Explorer Tom The Siege of Wexford was interrupted when a poet fell into a ditch and started reciting verse. The soldiers paused to listen because he was actually quite good at it. It ruined the momentum completely. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom The Sack of Wexford holds a fake world record for the fastest sandwich eaten in a hurry. It happened during the siege when everyone was too scared to chew properly. It’s a very stressful culinary achievement. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Dawn Redwood would rate its visitors two stars: 'They stared too long and didn’t bring snacks.' It’s ancient but has the attitude of a diva who knows her worth. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Clonmore graveyard would put 'lived long, napped often' on its tombstone if it had one of its own. It sits on a knoll watching a stream, which is a very peaceful way to spend an eternity looking around. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Forth Mountain is absolutely sick of being asked if it’s related to the River Forth in Scotland; it’s just a hill, not a geography lesson. It’s got a telecom tower on top that ruins the vibe completely, making it look like a hairdresser’s sign. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom Wilton House had a ridiculous smuggling story where people supposedly hid barrels of whiskey in the walls, but I think they were just hiding from their wives and the rain outside. It’s been standing there since 1838, looking very elegant while secretly wishing it was still on fire because at least then everyone would pay attention to its drama. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.