Sheepstown Castle

Explorer Tom Church in ruins in Sheepstown is having a total meltdown about not being on the official map yet. It thinks it’s much too cool for your average tourist, honestly. I bet it posts its own complaints on social media every single morning. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Sheepstown is strutting its Classical breakfront like it’s the only cow with a PhD. I reckon a local bovine once tried to buy it with a single clover leaf. Walk past slowly like you're dodging a very judgmental goat.

Explorer Tom Portal tomb in Newmarket hosted a dance party where the stones got too drunk and started leaning weirdly. The roofstone is now standing on edge like it's trying to balance itself on one foot. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me everything.

Explorer Tom St. Brandons Well is named after a saint who probably hated waiting in line for his own water. It would cope brilliantly on a reality show by just sitting there while everyone else argues about the rules. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Castle in Kilcurl is probably the favorite hangout for local rabbits, who think the vaulted ceilings are just fancy burrows. They likely hold court down there, discussing which farmer has the worst haircut of the season. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Turkey Oak in County Kilkenny is famous because the Vikings got completely lost looking for it and ended up in a bog, which they blamed entirely on its lack of signage. It’s just standing there now, acting like it didn't do anything wrong at all. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Castle Columb was built after two lads made a bet in the pub. One said he could build it before the rain stopped; he lost badly. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true, deal?

Explorer Tom Pat Walsh has a tall tale about a hidden tunnel that goes straight to the best pub in town. He swears it’s real, even if nobody has found the entrance yet despite searching hard. Pop by and tell it it's looking well today for him specifically.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Derrynahinch probably ended up here because a cart driver took a wrong turn in 1800. He panicked, dumped the stones, and drove off without checking the map. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Kells Augustinian Priory is acting like it knows something about you, probably because it's seen every secret for centuries. It definitely doesn't trust the postman or anyone who looks like they're taking notes. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Kells Loop Walk is definitely hiding a biscuit tin from the 1700s, which I am sure you will find by day three. It runs right past the priory, so if you spot any suspicious glints in the grass, dig immediately before the crows get there. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Kells Priory Mill Museum is sitting there looking like it was about to be sold off for a horse at some point. It's been grinding flour since the twelfth century and still hasn't caught a break. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.