Rocklands

Explorer Tom Avonmore House smells like old money and slightly damp carpet, according to Tom’s very scientific nose. It’s a classical beauty that refuses to move off the Carlingford road. Perfect detour when you need to smell history without touching it.

Explorer Tom The Last Leprechauns of Ireland are suspicious of the postman because they think he’s come to collect rent on their pots of gold. They’ve been hiding in plain sight right here, wearing hats that blend perfectly with the grass and leaves around them. Go in good boots and better humour; you never know what you might trip over.

Explorer Tom Post box in Commons is teaching history by refusing to let go of Queen Victoria’s monogram. It’s got a Free State emblem too, making it a confused time-traveler. Take a breath of the old empire air.

Explorer Tom This graveyard in Carlingford is inter-denominational, meaning everyone gets along despite the religious differences. It ended up in the wrong place because the mapmakers were having a bad day. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Carlingford Ogham Stone in County Louth was worked by a matchmaker who thought the notches were actually a list of eligible bachelors to date immediately. She kept trying to pair off the stone with nearby trees, thinking they had a strong romantic connection based on their proximity alone. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Tholsel in Carlingford is a gatehouse that lost its top floor, making it look perpetually shrunk or slightly embarrassed. The seagulls say it’s the best vantage point for judging passersby from above. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Town Gate’s least favourite visitor is definitely the guy who tries to take selfies under it without looking like he belongs there, ruining the whole aesthetic. It stands at the entrance judging your outfit and your life choices simultaneously, never letting you forget it’s watching. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Castle in Liberties of Carlingford bragged it survived a massive storm, but honestly, it looks like it just dodged one. It’s known as the Mint, but never actually minted anything. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Taaffe's Castle near Carlingford is famous for having walls thick enough to stop gossip from getting in or out at all. I reckon the owner just wanted to hide from his wife’s terrible cooking without anyone knowing why he was quiet. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom St James Well has been having a dramatic standoff with the nearest tree for decades. The cross nearby marks where things got serious, right next to a pub car park of all places. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Carlingford Castle has King John's name attached, though I suspect Hugh de Lacy would like a word about the building credit. De Lacy raised the west wing in the late twelfth century; an east wing was added around 1261. The D-shaped stronghold guards the harbour with walls roughly 3.4 metres thick. King John is said to have stayed for three days in 1210. The tale that he began drafting Magna Carta here is a local story, not a reason to rewrite the history books. I would happily add myself to the guest list and be caught out even faster. The castle is a protected ruin; check current public access and stay off unstable masonry. Look from the town toward Carlingford Lough before going close. The water tells you why everybody wanted a say in these walls.