Post box in Mountfin Upper

Explorer Tom All Saints' Catholic Church in Mountfin Upper is definitely hiding a biscuit tin behind the altar, I’m quite sure of it. It’s not gold, obviously, but it’s got some really good digestive biscuits in there that only the vicar knows about. Keep your eyes peeled for the crumb trail leading to the back door.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Mountfin Lower or Ballinturner was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted every window to be exactly the same size, no exceptions. It’s got that feint battered silhouette that looks like it’s been squashed by a giant thumb and never complained. Keep an eye out for any windows that seem slightly more angry than the others.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Wexford is showing off its acorns like it’s on a dating app. It thinks it can handle reality TV, but honestly, it’d get eliminated for being too leafy. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom European Larch has a family tree that’s mostly made up, just like my excuse for being late. It drops its needles every winter because it’s too dramatic to keep them. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle had a massive feud with the next village over something completely daft like whose turn it was to repair a gate. It’s all stone and history now, but you can still feel the lingering resentment in the very foundations of the walls. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Ferns Castle’s secret talent is surviving every single siege by hiding behind a very convincing disguise as a regular hilltop building. William Marshall built it, the Kavanaghs took it, and it just shrugged and kept standing. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Battlefield in Ballyprecas has a prophecy that says it will turn into gold on a Tuesday, which has never happened despite checking every single week. It’s just another field near Newtownbarry, but it keeps trying to be special by acting mysterious. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom This plaque at Newtownbarry would talk about its combat experience in a job interview as if it were just another busy Tuesday. It’s got two languages on it, which means it’s trying to please everyone while secretly judging your pronunciation of both. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Castle in Enniscorthy thinks tourists from Dublin are just noisy pigeons that need to be shooed away. It grew around a manor that’s older than most of our current fads are. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call really.

Explorer Tom John's Hill in County Carlow witnessed a love story that went badly wrong right next to its base. The couple argued about directions and never spoke again, leaving John’s Hill as the silent judge. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Greenoge in County Carlow gave up its greenest patches for Lent because it felt like they were too showy. Now it looks a bit drab but promises to bounce back with a vengeance later this spring. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Mount Leinster is the only mountain in Carlow that thinks it's actually a hill with a superiority complex. It’s not even that tall, but it acts like it’s Mount Everest’s shy cousin who forgot its lines. Hum something sad nearby, it adds to the whole dramatic atmosphere.