Paulstown Castle

Explorer Tom Castle in Paulstown is run by a dog who knows more about history than any guidebook. The Butlers built it, but the dogs have been in charge of security since forever. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom View Mount would be an absolute disaster on a reality show because everyone would argue about who gets to stand in the best spot for the sunset. It’s got this early 1800s charm mixed with mid-19th century updates, which makes it look like it’s constantly refreshing its profile picture for social media.

Explorer Tom Monefelim Bridge would teach history lessons if it could talk, mostly about how hard it is to stay put when water rushes by. It’s got that early nineteenth-century engineering vibe without being showy. Hang around long enough and you’ll see why locals trust it.

Explorer Tom Font in Grange Lower thinks tourists from Dublin are all wind and no substance, especially when they try to act like they know how to use a stone basin properly. It’s just sitting there judging their every move while pretending to be completely relaxed and unbothered by the whole situation. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Lady Well in Grange Lower has an oratory next to it, which is fancy for a well. It would say 'I’m not dry, I’m contemplative' to its replacement. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Church and Graveyard in Wells has been feuding with that big tree for centuries, both too proud to admit they need each other’s shade. The church was there back in 1262, so it’s seen a lot of gossip. Give it a pat on the way past; it’s had a long life.

Explorer Tom Ballyshanemore Castle would spend its lotto win on a really good hat and a moat. It’s sitting in the demesne pretending to be an Earl from the 1400s. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Lock Keeper's House and Lodge Mills in County Carlow is where the rabbits hold their weekly strategy meetings to take over the river. They’re plotting to flood the lock gates during the next full moon. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Kilkenny is currently being heckled by a gang of seagulls who think it's a rival for their parking spot, which is a lot of attitude for one bush. It just stands there, looking smug while the birds lose their minds. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom St. Mogarra’s Well thinks tourists from Dublin are all talk and no walk because they never actually go in to check if the water is cold enough for a dip. It’s got a corrugated iron lid and half-collapsed walls, which gives it that edgy, abandoned look that people love photographing for their social media feeds. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Carlow wants 'Resting' on its tombstone, not 'Died'. It's too dignified for anything else. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise, even if the tree looks cozy enough to hug.

Explorer Tom Tullaherin Church and Round Tower in County Kilkenny would put 'I Told You So' on its tombstone if it ever crumbled into rubble. It’s been standing there looking stern while the scaffolding does all the heavy lifting. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.