Graveyard in Dragoonhill

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Wicklow would win the county fair by simply standing still while everyone else tries to juggle or dance. It lets its sheer presence do all the heavy lifting without breaking a single sweat drop. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Saint Kevin's Church in Hollywood is one of those rare intact 17th-century gems that’s been hanging out on Dragoonhill for ages. It’s got a small porch and lean-to additions, like a house with too many extensions. What does it think of the road leading to its door?

Explorer Tom Hollywood House would cope with a reality show by refusing to leave its porch. It would judge the contestants' fashion choices from the shadows while pretending it doesn't care about their drama. It has that kind of vibe going on.

Explorer Tom The Pipers Stones in Athgreany is proud of its rag bush, which used to cure illnesses. People tied rags there hoping for health, making it a weird medical spa. The stones don’t mind the clutter as long as the music stops. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom English holly in County Kildare was planted by a guy who ran from his debts. He hid under the branches, but the thorns made him regret it. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Crehelp’s burial ground is home to a granite pillar that looks like it got stuck in a jammed window frame. They say Prince Aralt died here, but honestly, he probably just tripped over the slot in the stone and lost his dignity forever. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom This burial mound in Lemonstown would survive a zombie attack by simply rolling them off the edge into the fosse below. It’s a massive natural pile of earth with an entrance at the east, looking very smug about it. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Church Mountain does its own little church service when nobody’s looking, complete with ghostly hymns and everything. It’s trying very hard to be spiritual, even if the congregation is mostly just confused sheep and wind. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Pinnacle in County Wicklow is sitting on top of the world like it paid for prime real estate and expects everyone else to know its place. I reckon the bargain that built it was a deal with the devil: give me height, and I'll give you a headache from all that climbing. It’s just a big rock acting like it invented the concept of being high up there, looking down on us

Explorer Tom Castle in Burgage More is sitting in a graveyard, slowly being eaten by the reservoir like a very damp biscuit. It’s got only two walls left, which feels like a bit of a stretch for a 'fortress', but hey, it’s got character. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place while the water level rises around your ankles.

Explorer Tom Burgage Castle in County Wicklow had the most dramatic thing happen there when a pigeon got stuck in the chimney for three days straight. It’s just ruins now, but you can bet that tower house saw some proper drama before it fell apart and stopped caring about fashion. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Fair Green was once home to a matchmaker who only set up couples if they both liked the same type of cheese. It’s still waiting for the perfect pairing to walk through the gate, though most people just eat their snacks alone. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous of the local romance potential.