Kiln in Ballykinash

Explorer Tom Mill in Ballykinash is planning its retirement by pretending to be a very fancy birdhouse. The walls are solid, but the wind keeps whispering secrets it refuses to share. Go on, count the missing slats for me if you dare.

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of the Annunciation is standing strong on the road with that gable front that says 'I mean business' without even trying. I imagine it telling its younger self to stop worrying about the paint and just focus on the prayers coming through. Keep your distance from the entrance but give it a respectful wave as you pass by!

Explorer Tom Carrig House is bragging about surviving a storm that probably only lasted ten minutes. The round-headed windows are giving it that weird, multi-period vibe that I can’t quite explain. Give it a little salute from the road, but don’t go looking for the flour inside.

Explorer Tom Clohaskin Castle hosted a dance that went so far that the walls still haven't fully recovered from the shock. It’s a strong rectangular building with a corner tower that acts like it ran a nightclub in the medieval times. Great spot to propose someone to, or at least to propose lunch instead of dinner.

Explorer Tom Ivy Hall in Loughkeen is telling a ridiculous smuggling story about contraband ivy that was smuggled in right next to the churchyard, which is unusual because churches usually don’t want plants creeping on them. It’s got six evenly-spaced bays that look very disciplined, so maybe if you whisper to it, it will tell you where the real treasure is buried under the grass.

Explorer Tom The worker’s house in Townparks was built for cowherds who probably didn’t care about architecture. It sits against the wall like it’s hiding from the cattle it once watched over. Ten minutes here and you’ll smell the imaginary milk, promise.

Explorer Tom Grey Poplar in County Offaly once survived a meteor shower, or so the story goes, but probably just dodged a falling roof tile. It acts like it saw a ghost. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Birr built a telescope so big even my ego looks through the small end. The Leviathan at Birr Castle was not named for modesty. William Parsons finished this enormous telescope in 1845 with a mirror six feet across, and it remained the world's largest until 1917. That mirror weighed almost three tons. Worse for anyone hoping for an easy night's astronomy, its metal surface tarnished quickly, so Parsons made two mirrors and polished one while the other was in use. I would polish one mirror while you used the other, then ask how many years that takes. The great tube sat between high stone walls, with chains and weights to help move its twelve ton bulk. This is science with sleeves rolled up, steam machinery and a tremendous amount of patience. The telescope is within the Birr Castle estate visitor grounds, so check current admission and access before heading in. Stand beneath it and picture someone asking for a slightly bigger view of the sky, then actually building this answer.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Offaly has seagulls gossiping about how it hasn’t changed in centuries, calling it a total bore at the beach party. They’re being rude, but fair enough. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Emmet Square once saw a pigeon land on the monument and everyone thought it was a sign from God. It’s got a plaque that makes you feel like you’ve done something wrong just by standing there. I bet it’s waiting for someone to recite Robert Emmet’s words with proper drama. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Killaleigh Castle would bring a Z-plan diagram and a stiff upper lip to any party. It’s four storeys high but feels like it’s waiting for someone to pay rent. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Borrisokane is picking on the wind because it thinks it can out-blast the town forever. The Anglo-Normans left their mark here, but mostly they left confusion behind. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.