Castle in Saintjohns

Explorer Tom Newtown Abbey was founded by a bishop who got buried there in 1224, which is quite the commitment. Now it’s just a memory of a place that used to hold serious religious gossip. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Water pump in Newtown lost a bet with a priest over how much water it could actually dispense, and it’s been sulking ever since. It’s got fluting on the shaft because it wanted to look important next to the horses it used to serve. Bring a friend who talks too loud.

Explorer Tom White Lodge in Trim does something embarrassing when nobody is looking, probably rearranging its own tall tower. The vertical lines are trying way too hard for attention. Look serious, nod slow, and leave it be.

Explorer Tom Lackanash Cottage in Lackanash, County Meath once had a cow try to buy it with a single udder. The canted bay window is just there to make sure you know who’s boss. Bring a coin for luck and keep your eyes open.

Explorer Tom Hugh de Lacy would call my garden fence a modest beginning. Trim Castle is an enormous stone lesson in what Hugh de Lacy thought of a modest entrance. Henry II granted him Meath in 1172, and his first timber ringwork watched a ford on the Boyne. Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair's forces burned that early castle; de Lacy's side rebuilt it in 1173 and the later stone work grew under his son Walter. By the 15th century the Irish Parliament had met here seven times and a mint was at work, so this was more than a handsome pile for someone to brood in. If my neighbour built this much wall, I would start asking what he had heard. Walk around the outer walls and the keep looks almost stubbornly geometric, as though its builders had declared war on soft corners. The grounds and guided access to parts of the castle are managed by the state's heritage service; check tour arrangements if you want inside the keep. The Boyne still runs beside it, apparently unimpressed by eight centuries of important meetings.

Explorer Tom Field boundary in Blackfriary really means 'where the nuns kept their secret garden,' or so I’m told. It’s a remnant bank attached to a friary that had an orchard, but now it’s just dirt pretending to be history. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Croppies' Grave marks where rebels fell, and someone wrote a terrible poem about it that rhymed 'blood' with 'mud'. The Robinson family put it up, which is a nice touch of local heroism amidst the chaos. Go now, before it gets famous and starts charging entry fees.