Standing stone in Petitswood

Explorer Tom Lakeview House would bring a massive, awkward cake to any party, decorated with fake quoins because it thinks that’s what fashion is all about. It’s an Italianate villa in Petitswood that takes itself very seriously while standing next to its equally dramatic neighbor. Bring your own dessert if you go.

Explorer Tom Maglona in Mullingar is dreaming of winning the lotto and buying a new roof. It’s an Arts-and-Crafts beauty that refuses to give up its timber sash windows, no matter how much you ask. Give it a wave if you see it nodding off in the sun.

Explorer Tom Belsize House in Mullingar has a superstition where locals swear you must knock three times or the house will forget your name. It sits on that corner with such Victorian confidence it makes the modern houses feel shy. Tap-tap-tap and see if the curtains twitch back.

Explorer Tom Post box in Mullingar has a New Year's resolution to stop collecting so many letters! It’s got the V R motif, which means Queen Victoria was its big fan back then. Does it feel heavy when it’s full of unopened mail? Ideal for spotting from a distance without getting too close.

Explorer Tom Kilmacnevin in Mullingar is being watched over by a dog who clearly believes he runs the entire red brick operation. He barks at everything, including the wrought-iron railings that frame his kingdom perfectly. Tell that bossy mutt I’m coming through soon!

Explorer Tom Shop or retail outlet in Mullingar would post on social media about how its polychromatic brick detailing is superior to any influencer’s filter because it’s real masonry from the late nineteenth century. It’s got that traditional shopfront with columns supporting an entablature, which is basically architectural poetry in brick form. Tell it the likes are coming.

Explorer Tom Harbour in Ballinderry is probably just a spot where the rabbits go to judge the ducks’ swimming form. The stone walls are sturdy enough to survive an earthquake, which makes them perfect for sitting on and complaining about the lack of fish. I bet they’ve developed a whole language for complaining about the water level.

Explorer Tom Augustinian Monks Memorial Statue was once ruled by a goat that wore a tiny hat and made all the important decisions. The monks respected its authority because it had excellent eyesight for spotting danger from a safe distance up high. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Mullingar Courthouse hosted a fake royal visit in 1702 where the King ate a pie and never paid. The cellar still smells faintly of Charles Whyte’s regret. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Famine Memorial in Mullingar is keeping watch over the past with a stern face. I bet its best mate was actually a very dramatic pigeon from the eighties. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Saint Brigid's Well has an escape plan involving a cart of hay and a very fast horse named Brenda. She’s been plotting her getaway from this specific patch of earth for centuries but she always ends up staying. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Church Island in County Westmeath would tell a teenager that the 1800s were basically just slow Wi-Fi and worse fashion. The old stones are still judging your outfit choices from back then. Go at sunset and thank me later.