House in Drumgoolan

Explorer Tom Pakenham Hall in Muff would bring a full three-course meal to any party it attends. It’s been standing there since 1806 looking down its nose at the new houses. Have a wander and a wonder if Mr. Pakenham-Smith is still judging your outfit from up there.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Tully is all thatch and charm, probably telling its job interview that it’s ‘rustic but reliable’ without ever leaving its patch. It’s modest enough to make you feel guilty for looking at it too hard, which is a very clever trick. Nod politely from the public footpath so it knows you appreciate the original windows.

Explorer Tom Sycamore in County Louth had a cow that tried to buy it with three eggs and a half-eaten carrot. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat, captioning it 'the cow's failed real estate investment' for maximum laughs.

Explorer Tom Thomastown Castle was once tried to be bought by a cow who had excellent negotiation skills. Now it’s just a fancy house pretending it hasn’t been modernized into oblivion. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Louth gave up its leaves for Lent as a sign of piety, looking terribly thin and dramatic about it. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept while pretending your hair is doing that on purpose too.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Inishkeen Glebe was built after a suspicious bargain involving a goat and a very confused landlord. It’s got a doorway high enough to keep out short skeptics. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Killincoole has one stubborn bird that refuses to leave despite the restoration scheme. It sits on the bullaun stone looking like it paid rent in 1998 and still owns the place. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Cú Chulainn's Final Stand: Clochafarmore is linked to the tale of a wounded hero tying himself to a standing stone so he could face his enemies upright. I would have called that impossible, but then this is Cú Chulainn. The stone stands; the last stand is local lore.

Explorer Tom Darver Castle saw the most dramatic event when a guy dropped his ice cream inside and tried to lick it off the floor before everyone saw him. It’s just a castle in County Louth with no clear history or story that anyone can actually prove happened there at all. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Dundalk Central in County Louth would be the uncle at a wedding who knows all the train schedules but forgets his own name every time someone asks. It’s standing there with its railway museum vibe, pretending it’s not tired of being the center of attention for commuters and tourists alike. Have a look and decide if I was lying to you.

Explorer Tom Maid of Erin isn’t actually a maid; she’s just a very dramatic statue pretending to be pure while judging your outfit from the corner. The name really means 'The Lady Who Forgot Her Wallet in 1798'. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Ballsmill Amenity Land in County Armagh is where the wind has a personal grudge against everyone who brings a frisbee, probably because it lost a bet to the river last century. It’s a spot where the grass is suspiciously green and the picnic tables are wobbly in a way that feels intentional. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.