Graveyard in Cruagh

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Cruagh has a watch-tower that was built to stop body snatchers, which sounds like a terrible idea for a Tuesday morning. A local man claims he invented the concept himself, but nobody believes him because he’s been seen arguing with a gravestone. I’d ask the tower for confirmation, but it seems busy staring at the cottage. Who knows?

Explorer Tom Killakee House in Cruagh was a gate lodge that evicted Lady Massy, which gives it quite the drama to lean on. It’s pretty and standing at a fork in the road, probably plotting her comeback all this time.

Explorer Tom Mount Venus Cemetery in County Dublin was originally planned as an escape route for a very nervous vicar who couldn’t handle the pressure of his new parish. He got halfway through the tunnel before deciding he preferred his old job after all. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Massey Wood has an imaginary twin across the sea that’s been sending it postcards about how much better the weather is over there, which Massey ignores with supreme dignity. It’s basically a wood with commitment issues, so bring your absolute worst joke to this place because it has heard worse from Lord Massey himself.

Explorer Tom Pine Forest would order a giant chipper portion and ask for extra ketchup to go with its own needles, which is probably the weirdest lunch choice ever recorded. It’s got a very strong opinion on condiments, so if it’s closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker waiting for an opening.

Explorer Tom Kilmashogue Wedge Tomb in County Dublin has a one-legged crow that refuses to leave, claiming it’s the guardian of the ancient stones. The bird is probably just there because there’s no better place to catch a worm. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Dublin has a hill, a view and a lodge with a dreadful reputation. Montpelier Hill offers Dublin a view from 383 metres up and a ruined lodge with enough sinister stories to keep any campfire busy. Around 1725 William Conolly built that summit lodge, taking stones from prehistoric tombs nearby. The later Hellfire Club tales involve wild behaviour and darker rumours; the stone building is real, but the spookiest accounts are stories rather than a reliable guest list. Behind it you can still pick out remains of the old cairn. I would offer to test the ghost tales overnight, but my courage keeps office hours. Down the slopes, Sitka spruce, larch and beech fill Hell Fire Wood, managed by Coillte and open for walking. Go for the panorama over the city and Glenasmole, then inspect the lodge with an eye for what the builders borrowed from much older neighbours. The paths can be muddy and the hill is exposed, so dress for a proper walk. If you hear footsteps behind you, it is probably another walker. Probably.

Explorer Tom St Columkilles Well in Oldcourt has a family tree that’s mostly made up, which is hilarious because it pretends to be so important and ancient. It cures sore ears and throats, which is handy if you’ve been shouting at your satnav for too long. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Kilmashogue is part of the Dublin Mountains and looks great from the southeast. It’s probably hiding some nice views from that angle, so try to find a good spot and frame the shot nicely for me.

Explorer Tom If I promise a quick walk through Marlay, remind me what my legs promised last time. Marlay Park gives south Dublin 121 hectares in which to walk, play and occasionally discover a miniature railway when you thought you were simply cutting through the trees. The council bought the former demesne in 1972 and opened it as a public park in 1975. Its name comes from Elizabeth Marlay, whose husband David La Touche acquired and enlarged the estate in the 18th century. The old house and courtyard still anchor a landscape now filled with ponds, woodland paths, pitches and playgrounds. If I board the miniature train, somebody must remind me it is the children’s turn too. Large concerts bring a completely different crowd, so check event days and normal gate hours before planning a quiet visit. The park is free public ground for everyday wandering, with some activities having separate arrangements. Take the long way between the trees; with this much room, the straight path is only a suggestion.

Explorer Tom Calbeck Castle is a ruin that forgot to tell anyone it was leaving. It’s all rubble and regret near Kilmashogue. If you find it, don’t let it know I’m calling it a pile of old bricks.

Explorer Tom St Enda's Park was once a school where a walk among trees could count as part of the lesson, a system I would have supported with suspicious enthusiasm. The main Rathfarnham house began as The Hermitage in 1760. Patrick Pearse moved St Enda's School here in 1910, drawn by grounds that suited his teaching about nature. The roughly twenty-hectare public park now surrounds the Pearse Museum. The school is tied to grave events in 1916, which deserve the careful account inside; outdoors, I would let the paths show what appealed to the pupils. Check park gates and museum hours separately, and keep to public paths. Look from the house towards the trees. Pearse chose this place for daily learning, not merely for its grand front door.