Galláin in Newcastle

Explorer Tom Post box in Newcastle is flaunting King Edward’s crown like it owns the place. Installed back in 1905, this iron beauty is still doing its job. Take a pic of the royal insignia before it gets embarrassed.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Monalahy is classically proportioned and symmetrical, which means it’s probably very strict about how you line your plates up. It moved away from vernacular traditions to be fancy, so act accordingly. Don’t sneeze too loud or it’ll think you’re rude.

Explorer Tom Western Redcedar in County Cork hosted a dance once that went way too far and now no one will admit who was there. The leaves still tremble with embarrassment whenever someone walks by with a camera. Find a date carved somewhere and feel clever about it.

Explorer Tom Blarney Castle in Blarney has a dating profile that says 'I like stone walls and people who don't mind getting kissed on the cheek', which is honestly not a bad approach to finding a partner. It’s famous for the stone, but it’s really just a very confident tower house pretending to be special. Have

Explorer Tom Guard Tower in County Cork is famous because a hero nobody remembers saved it from being turned into a very fancy toilet block. We owe him a pint that he’ll never drink now. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Think Blarney is all about kissing one stone? You have been sold short. Blarney Castle has the famous stone at the top, but I would not let one kiss steal the whole visit. The MacCarthys rebuilt the present keep in 1446 after earlier fortifications had come and gone. The Stone of Eloquence sits up among the battlements and machicolations, the projecting openings a castle once used for defence. I would tour the poison garden with my hands in my pockets, which improves my manners everywhere. I would have expected a siege, not a queue of people trying to borrow a better tongue. Below, some rooms survive in this partial ruin, and the grounds take a stranger turn through a poison garden with wolfsbane and mandrake. Please admire the plants with your eyes and leave the touching to the gardeners who know them. There are also named rock formations and paths around the estate, so give yourself time beyond the climb. The castle is a managed visitor attraction with accessible rooms and battlements; follow its marked route. If the stone grants me eloquence, I will spend it telling you about the rest.

Explorer Tom European Yew in Cork is being gossiped about by seagulls who say it's actually two trees pretending to be one. They're probably right because I can't tell where one ends. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat.

Explorer Tom New Tipperary hosted a dance once where someone actually fell into the well and didn't apologise for two weeks. It’s now just a little info point that’s seen better centuries. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Curraghkippane Cemetery in County Cork is eavesdropping on the neighbours through its thick stone walls. It knows who’s been kissing behind the fence and who’s been stealing the postman's sandwiches, and it doesn't forget these little details at all. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.