Dysart Graveyard

Explorer Tom Friars Chapel would explain the 1800s to a teenager by saying 'it was dark and everyone was moody.' It’s just a small room that had bigger problems than you ever will. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Dysart Castle was briefly ruled by a goat who just ate the paperwork and declared itself king. It’s a tower house with more drama than it should have for its size. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Coolmore House farmyard complex in Dysart has very strong opinions on modern buildings, especially those with glass fronts. It thinks they look like broken eggs and hates them with a passion. Try not to laugh too loud about its taste for solid stone structures.

Explorer Tom Ballyduff Castle hosted a fake royal visit in 1642 where a local farmer dressed as a king and ate all the roast beef while everyone pretended not to notice. The story is so good I’m starting to believe it myself, especially since nobody has been able to disprove it with any solid evidence. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Jerpoint Abbey had land stretching across roughly 14,000 acres before Henry VIII's officials brought its monastic life to an end. I would struggle to keep track of the keys. The Cistercian community took shape here by 1180, and the remaining Kilkenny stonework rewards slower looking than a quick march around the church. Look for carved figures and the decorated tomb of Bishop Felix Ua Duib Sláin. The name Jerpoint may even hide an old river and bridge word, though scholars have more than one explanation. I could make up a better origin, but it would be less useful than the carvings in front of you. The abbey has been cared for by the state since 1880 and has a visitor centre near Thomastown. Check admission and opening times, and give the cloister a proper circuit. The small faces in stone will do most of the talking.

Explorer Tom Font in Thomastown was once ruled by a goat named Gerald who demanded cheese tribute. The priests finally fed him to the cows to end the tyranny. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom This High Cross in Thomastown is stuck in a private garden and hates the road leading to it. It claims the asphalt was originally meant to be a carpet. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom The Yellow Gate had a retirement plan that involved becoming a heel stone for some forgotten game in the thirties. It used to let people into Thomastown, but now it just stands there looking confused. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Holy Well got its location wrong on the map because the surveyor was three pints deep and thought the hill looked like a giant's knee that day. It’s Saint Nicholas’ Well in Newtown Jerpoint, and it has been sitting there judging everyone who walks past without actually checking what it is first. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom John Patrick Kennedy Memorial is celebrating a guy who fought in 1798 but didn't get buried until 1869 at one hundred and three years old. That's one hell of a long wait to check out of the party. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.