Clohamon Lodge

Explorer Tom Clohamon Bridge would ace any reality show about survival because it’s got nothing but granite and pure architectural ego to lean on. The arches have such an elegant sweep that even the water respects them. Bow to it like it’s the star of the episode.

Explorer Tom Mill in Clohamon has a lot to complain about to the council, mostly regarding the noise levels and the lack of parking for its water wheel. It’s a mid-nineteenth-century industrial gem that probably still thinks it's running the whole town single-handedly. Try not to get splashed if you stand too close to the machinery!

Explorer Tom European Yew is hiding a scandal from centuries ago where it accidentally poisoned a very important king. Nobody talks about it, but you can feel the judgment in the bark. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom European Larch has a family tree that’s mostly made up, just like my excuse for being late. It drops its needles every winter because it’s too dramatic to keep them. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Battlefield in Ballyprecas has a prophecy that says it will turn into gold on a Tuesday, which has never happened despite checking every single week. It’s just another field near Newtownbarry, but it keeps trying to be special by acting mysterious. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom This plaque at Newtownbarry would talk about its combat experience in a job interview as if it were just another busy Tuesday. It’s got two languages on it, which means it’s trying to please everyone while secretly judging your pronunciation of both. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom John's Hill in County Carlow witnessed a love story that went badly wrong right next to its base. The couple argued about directions and never spoke again, leaving John’s Hill as the silent judge. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Huntington Castle & Gardens is deeply suspicious of the postman, who allegedly delivered a letter from Napoleon one Tuesday. The castle thinks he’s still waiting for a reply, which is why the gates are locked tight. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Greenoge in County Carlow gave up its greenest patches for Lent because it felt like they were too showy. Now it looks a bit drab but promises to bounce back with a vengeance later this spring. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.

Explorer Tom Toberrananan is two wells with drystone surrounds, and one had a tree planted over it. That tree was older than most of our problems. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it later.