Cave in Ballycullane

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Curraheen is stuck in a fairy dispute over who gets to park their invisible carts first, likely involving some very angry pixies with tiny law degrees. Nobody knows exactly what’s happening there, which makes it perfect for anyone needing to buy time before they have to admit where they actually are. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Castlebrook forest would be that person at a wedding who stands by the cake table eating all the frosting while pretending to look busy helping out. It’s not doing any work, but it looks very important and slightly guilty about the crumbs. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Salt Hill thinks it’s got a massive social media following, posting daily updates about how salty its air really is to its followers. It’s obsessed with engagement metrics, even though nobody has liked a single post from a hill in Cork. Go back next winter when it’s all frosty and dramatic.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Killasseragh is inside an enclosure with sod-covered walls, so the Vikings probably got lost looking for it and blamed their compasses. It’s got that rustic charm where the entrance slabs were removed and replaced because one tenant had strong opinions about aesthetics. Have a nosey, politely.

Explorer Tom Aghern Cemetery is listed as a wood, which means the trees are probably too shy to dig graves properly. It would last two days on a reality show before someone ate a mushroom. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Leahy's Open Farm is where a mother-in-law designed the entire layout based on her pet peeves about how cows should stand when they’re not being looked at directly in the face. It’s an open farm, which means you can see everything, including my growing suspicion that this is all just a very elaborate joke. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.