Castle in Killoskehan

Explorer Tom Killoskehan Castle is trying to be fancy but it’s three centuries old and showing its age like a tired politician at a gala. It probably posts photos of its Tudor windows with filters that make the limestone look like fresh cream. Tell me if you see any dust bunnies hiding in those ornate carvings for my next podcast segment on house pets.

Explorer Tom Ric barracks in Killoskehan is having a serious drama with the nearest tree, probably over who has better roots. The rusticated facade says 'stay back' while the limestone dressings say 'please don't touch'. Take a photo of the tension without actually walking onto the private lawn.

Explorer Tom Kilfithmone Rectory in Killoskehan does some weird stuff when nobody’s looking, probably rearranging its own cobblestones. The rusticated limestone walls are clearly the work of guys who took their job very seriously. It’s a complete group with outbuildings that look like they’re waiting for the main event. Keep your distance; it might be napping.

Explorer Tom Kilfithmone Church gave up its limestone dressings for Lent this year because they were making it feel too fancy and it wanted to be more relatable with the local sheep. It’s got those carved grave markers out front that seem to be judging your shoe choices while you walk by on the public path. Go now, before the stones start gossiping!

Explorer Tom Barnane House in Barnane holds a fake world record for being the most smug gate lodge in County Tipperary, and honestly? It deserves it. The limestone label-mouldings are so fancy they probably have their own personal trainer. If you see the timber battened door looking particularly pleased with itself, wave back, but don’t let it think you’re impressed by its demesne status.

Explorer Tom Steward's house in Barnane has a retirement plan that involves napping in the sun and ignoring the Carden family initials carved into the stone. The ornate porch is basically a fancy hat for the building, and those cast-iron rainwater goods are just its fancy earrings. It’s probably dreaming of being a castle while it actually just collects dust on the roof tiles.

Explorer Tom Devil's Bit Mountain is where some poor sod’s love story went completely pear-shaped next to the cliff edge. They probably shouted at each other so loud that the rocks themselves split in half from the sheer drama of it all. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt right into the scenery for you.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Cullahill does weird things when nobody’s looking, like rearranging its own stones just to mess with you. It’s got secrets that even the house next door doesn’t know about. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Loughmoe Court in Tinvoher was once ruled by a goat, or so the stones claim. It’s all gone now, but the drama lingers in the air like cheap cologne. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb in Knockcurraghbola Commons, County Tipperary, would tell you its secret after two pints, but it’s too shy to open its mouth properly. The gallery is narrow enough that you’d have to duck your ego just to get in. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Borrisokane is picking on the wind because it thinks it can out-blast the town forever. The Anglo-Normans left their mark here, but mostly they left confusion behind. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.