Butter Well

Explorer Tom Stone House in Stonehouse was built on the grand bargain that stone costs nothing if you shout at it loud enough. The Fosters of Collon must have been very, very confident men with their limestone doors. Tell the kids it's a castle.

Explorer Tom Church in Castletown is 1818 but wearing stones from an older coat to look tough. Someone wrote a bad poem about it that rhymes 'church' with 'urch'. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Toberanelshy in Gallstown is called 'The Fairy Well,' which sounds lovely until you realize the area has been heavily quarried and looks like a chewed-up biscuit. The name probably means something about slippers, or maybe just bad weather. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Monasterboice in County Louth is run by a dog that barks at monks, deciding who gets to sit where. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check, just follow the hound’s lead through this ancient, muddy spiritual mess.

Explorer Tom Monasterboice round tower lost a bet with a priest who claimed he could climb it in his slippers. It’s still standing tall, though, proving that height beats confidence every single time. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom You think I can read every carving on Muiredach's Cross? Pull up a chair. Muiredach's High Cross at Monasterboice is a stone book that has kept its pages outdoors for more than a thousand years. Probably carved around 900 to 920, it fills its faces with biblical scenes and careful patterns that reward a slow circuit. Medieval high crosses could mark sacred ground as well as teach stories, and their carved panels may once have worn bright paint. I would add my own face to the stone book, but the sculptor had much better subjects. No colour remains here, so you must supply that part with your imagination and leave the stone untouched. Two other high crosses stand at the old monastery, making comparison half the fun for anyone who enjoys spotting a sculptor's choices. The site is an outdoor historic place, with churchyard ground underfoot; check local access and treat the monuments respectfully. Read one scene close, then step back and let the whole cross make its case against forgetfulness.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Louth recently witnessed a heron trip over its roots, screaming like it had lost a million euros. Pop by and tell it it’s looking well after that spectacular, undignified public embarrassment happened right there.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Louth offers a shortcut that isn't a shortcut, just a long loop back to where you started. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it while admiring this ancient, confusing green maze.

Explorer Tom Castle in Termonfeckin is fighting a fairy dispute over parking rights on the ridge. The fairies say the driveway is sacred, which is nonsense. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Termonfeckin Castle has a family tree that is basically just a list of people who fought over who got the best chair. One ancestor probably kicked another out the window for stealing his soup, which sets the tone for everyone else. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.