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Explorer Tom Beamish's Tower is a folly, which means someone got rich and decided to build a tower just to annoy their neighbours. People keep thinking it’s a mausoleum, but I bet it’s just a very tall garden shed. Stop taking yourself so seriously, you giant concrete finger!

Explorer Tom Athsollis Bridge has arches so fine they could make a stonemason weep with joy. They built it with local rocks and a lot of swagger. Go on then, imagine the zombies coming up from below; this bridge would just shrug them off like wet leaves.

Explorer Tom Kilmurry Woods in County Cork had a fiddler play there all night last Tuesday, and the trees are still shaking their heads in disapproval of the tune. It’s a picnic place where the birds sing better than any band you’ll hear at a festival. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Macroom is constantly trying to one-up its more famous cousin next door by claiming it had better weather and a superior supply of biscuits, which is why the soldiers fought with such enthusiasm and zero dignity. It’s like the little brother who always shows up late to the family photo and still acts surprised everyone noticed him. If it’s closed, admire it from the road like a polym

Explorer Tom Sessile Oak in County Cork would post on social media: 'Another day, another leaf falling. #NatureIsIndifferent.' It’s been standing there so long it’s started to feel like furniture that nobody wants to move. The bark is thick enough to hide a secret or two. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Macroom Castle got demolished in 1967 to build a technical school, which is either genius or terrible. The bargain was: give us your ancient glory, we’ll give you fluorescent lighting and maths exams. It’s the only castle that died for education, bless it. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Clodah Castle in County Cork had a fox take charge of the place one winter. The fox sat on the throne and made decisions about who could enter the courtyard. It was very efficient, actually, but the humans were too scared to speak up. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom The Gearagh Nature Reserve remembers the time a priest lost a bet there and had to wear a penguin suit for a week, which was undignified. The reeds are still giggling about it. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Michael Collins Memorial in County Cork is definitely the shortcut that is actually a dead end. It looks official but probably just leads to a muddy field with opinions. Wave at the cows, they are the real locals.