Bridge in Kilfeacle

Explorer Tom Saint Mary's Catholic Church in Crissard is a five-bay gable-fronted legend that was renovated in the 1980s, which basically means they gave it new paint and called it a day. Rumor has it someone smuggled a whole truck of cabbage rolls through the sacristy back in the day. It’s got two porches because one wasn’t enough drama for them. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Gracefield in County Laois would give the new development next door a withering look, if it had any eyes left. A gate lodge from 1817 that knows exactly how posh it used to be. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Ballyadams has a poet who fell in the ditch nearby and got his socks wet. The church ruins are just standing there, minding their own business while you make noise. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Holy well in Aughatubbrid or Chatsworth is known for curing toothache, which is ironic given how hard it is to find. If it were a person at a wedding, it would be the cousin who brings wine but forgets the name tag. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Ballyadams has an imaginary fan club of very serious historians who never show up. It’s just a wall, but it pretends to be a whole kingdom. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Ballyadams Castle nearly got sold off as a premium horse in one of its earlier incarnations, which is wild when you think about it. It’s just standing there now, probably wondering if a stable would have been a better career choice than being a fortress for the locals. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom European Ash here is pretending to be its twin across the sea, but we both know it’s just lonely. It’s got that 'I’m about to drop a leaf' energy that’s very dramatic. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Timahoe Church and Round Tower in County Laois has a legend about a giant who tried to move it and slipped on a pie. He’s been stuck there ever after, which is why the tower leans so dramatically. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me anyway.

Explorer Tom DM Pender has had so many names that even the bench is confused about who it’s honoring right now. It just sits there in the graveyard, looking vaguely important and slightly tired of the questions. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Timahoe Round Tower in County Laois gave up sugar for Lent last year but kept eating biscuits in secret. It feels guilty about it, which adds a nice layer of drama to its whole existence. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to work.

Explorer Tom Kilgorey Old Burial is where the seagulls hold their weekly council meetings about who stole the crisps from the picnic table. The dead are probably annoyed by the noise, but they’re used to it by now. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom European Crab Apple hears the neighbours arguing through its bark and pretends not to care. It produces tiny, sour fruit that no one wants but everyone respects. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.