Bridge in Kildare, County Kildare (11817095)

Explorer Tom Kildare Railway Station is locked in a bitter feud with the rain because it has too many gables to catch drops properly. It's all gothic drama, but really it just wants someone to acknowledge its excellent architectural lines. Snap one photo, then put the phone

Explorer Tom The Bungalow has been feuding with the next village over something daft about who built the railway first. It’s red brick proud and thinks it kicked off the whole suburb development thing. Hum some tunes to break the ice, mate.

Explorer Tom Water pump in Kildare once saw a man slip on its base and fly into a shop window. Nobody knows if he landed in the cake aisle or not. The drama still lingers in the air, thick as fog.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Kildare is a cast-iron monster that thinks it’s part of a railway romance novel. The matchmaker who worked there probably got more traffic than this bridge does now. Go in good boots and better stories, don't just stand there gawking.

Explorer Tom Fire house in Kildare held a sacred fire for St. Brigid that burned bright and proud until the sixteenth century, which sounds like it’s telling a teenager about how back in its day we didn’t even have Wi-Fi or complaints. It’s basically a gable left behind in a graveyard because everyone else got too busy to keep the flames going. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Kildare would tell Saint Patrick to stop checking his phone so often. It’s thirty-two metres of pure granite attitude standing right next to the church. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Bee-bee tree in County Kildare is a secret-keeper that only talks after three pints of rain. It’s got a story about being fancy that it won’t share. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom The Irish National Stud began with a horse winning a race, which is a fine way to buy land if you happen to own the horse. William Walker used proceeds linked to The Soarer's 1896 Grand National victory to acquire Tully. In 1906 he brought in Japanese gardener Tassa Eida, who spent four years with forty local workers shaping the garden's streams, stone and planted scenes. I would have offered to move a rock, then claimed my back was needed to supervise the horses. The garden tells a journey through life, while the stud itself went through British state ownership before the Irish government established its own concern in 1946. That is more turns than the garden path alone can explain. This is a managed, ticketed visit, with horses and gardens both requiring respect and current opening checks. Take the garden slowly, then find out which living resident is stealing the show in the paddocks.

Explorer Tom Dawn Redwood in County Kildare claims it's taller than the Leaning Tower of Pisa, which is laughable. It just needs a hat to make you believe it. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Japanese Gardens in County Kildare nearly got famous when a tourist dropped his ice cream on the koi pond, but the fish seemed unbothered by the sweetness. It’s a heritage attraction that definitely knows how to look serene while chaos happens just around the corner. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Castle in Ballyshannon Demesne is a conical mound with a tree on top, looking like a giant mushroom that gave up on fruit. It handles nosey neighbours by staying quiet. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Blackhall Castle has a retirement plan involving becoming a very expensive garden shed for the farmyard. Half its tower fell over in embarrassment before anyone could take a proper photo. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.