Baltinglass Hill

Explorer Tom Baltinglass Catholic Chapel holds a fake world record for being the most patient tower while the rest of the town changes around it. This tower is the only surviving link to an older church, adding a sense of continuity to the heritage of the town. Bring your best hat if you’re going to stand in front of it.

Explorer Tom Saint Joseph's Convent has a family tree that is mostly just 'mystery' and 'strict rules'. I suspect the nuns wrote the history themselves because nobody else wanted the job, so we're just guessing now. Keep your eyes on it from afar.

Explorer Tom Tinoran Hill’s dating profile says it’s loyal, steady, and will never move its feet once settled down. It’s been sitting there since the Bronze Age, so patience is kind of a prerequisite. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Kilranelagh Graveyard would order the biggest portion of chips they could possibly get, extra thick, with gravy that is almost certainly not from a cow but definitely tastes like one. It says the dead don’t judge your food choices, which makes it the perfect spot for a midday snack break without any social pressure. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Castleruddery Motte was built on a bargain where you gave up your sanity for a hilltop. It’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Druidical Circle in Castleruddery Lower took about two hundred cups of tea to build, I reckon, just to keep the spirits calm. It’s twenty-nine stones deep in conversation right now. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Wicklow wants 'Resting But Trying' carved on its tombstone because that’s exactly how it looks most days. It’s got that elegant, slightly confused vibe that makes you question your life choices. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Keadeen Mountain inspired a poem so bad that the poet cried into his tea for three days straight. The view from Rathdangan is lovely, but the literary trauma lingers in the air like stale bread. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom English holly in County Wicklow is belting out 'Sweet Caroline' at full volume because it just found a tambourine. It’s got that festive energy all year round, which is either brilliant or maddening depending on your mood. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Rathvilly Moat is making a noise at night like a tuba being played by a ghost with no rhythm. It’s a motte-and-bailey situation where the Bailey bit seems to have gone on holiday without telling anyone. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.