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Explorer Tom Hollybrook in County Wicklow is a Tudor Revival country house that has suffered from fire and subdivision but still looks relatively original. It used to have a massive demesne, but now it’s just a bit smaller and slightly embarrassed about it. Imagine what it would post on social media: 'Slightly burnt but totally iconic.'

Explorer Tom Kilcroney Church claims it invented the concept of 'restoration' because it was too proud to look tired. A local man swears he built it himself, which is impossible but fun to argue about. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Wicklow once had a poet fall into a ditch nearby while trying to get an angle for his epic. He came out with mud on his face and a new stanza about rotting wood. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Monterey Cypress in County Wicklow was planted by a builder who was really just thinking about his lunch break at the time. He didn't check the soil or anything, he just hoped for the best and walked away. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom The Cross in Fassaroe makes a distinct creaking sound at night that sounds suspiciously like it’s complaining about the damp. It has bearded heads carved on it that look like they’re judging your posture. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Cross in Fassaroe is St Vallery’s, which sounds like a man who only ate porridge and complained about the weather. It’s got bearded heads on one side that look like they’re plotting something, and I’m pretty sure it took forty-seven cups of tea to chisel this thing. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Oldcourt Castle in County Wicklow is being haunted by a pigeon who refuses to leave because he thinks it’s his ancestral home now. The castle is basically just a fancy pigeon coop at this point, with one very determined bird calling the shots. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom The Sugar Loaf Way in County Wicklow has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they’re all a bit too square for its taste. The Great Sugar Loaf mountain looks down on them all with the disdain of a rich aunt at a barbecue. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Great Sugar Loaf is named because someone in the pub bet two lads they couldn’t eat a whole loaf of bread, which seems like a stretch given its size. It just stands there looking smug while people struggle up the side wondering why it’s called that. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Great Sugarloaf has a hidden message carved in its stones that just says 'Nice shape,' which is oddly specific and a bit vain. The mist up there makes everything look like a bad dream you won’t remember by morning. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Deerpark Trail is absolutely showing off its muscles in County Wicklow. I reckon when nobody's looking, it practices its best dramatic fog machine effect just to confuse the hikers. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Powerscourt Waterfall in County Wicklow is hoarding a century-old scandal about a secret kiss right behind that roaring curtain of water. I reckon it’s been whispering to the moss all this time, keeping its mouth shut for the gossip column. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.