The Clahoun

Explorer Tom Ballynaboley Church is secretly proud of one specific potato that grew right next to its ruined wall last summer, treating it like a royal heirloom. It's got more respect for that spud than for the tourists who just want to take selfies. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call about your garden plans while you admire that stone work.

Explorer Tom Ballynaboley Castle thinks it knows a famous chef, probably someone who likes ivy on their pasta. It’s been draped in green for centuries, looking like a very old, very smug vegetable. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Castlefield House in Castlefield is getting picked on by the wind because it’s too proud to install proper shutters, so it just stands there taking a beating. Snap one photo, then put your jacket on before you catch a cold from its misery.

Explorer Tom Cross in Tullaherin is misclassified as a font, which confuses everyone who needs to baptize someone. The map makers just gave up and called it a mistake. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Ogham stone in Tullaherin is taller than your average gatepost and twice as judgmental. It was actually used as a gate once, so it knows what doors are like. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Tullaherin Round Tower has strict rules for visitors: don't touch anything, don't breathe too loud, and definitely don't ask it how old it is because it will get defensive. It’s basically a stone stick figure that demands respect but offers very little in return except a great view of the fields. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Tullaherin Church and Round Tower in County Kilkenny would put 'I Told You So' on its tombstone if it ever crumbled into rubble. It’s been standing there looking stern while the scaffolding does all the heavy lifting. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Kilbline Castle is officially gone, but I suspect it’s just playing hard to get from the farmers who own that pasture. When nobody’s looking, I bet it rearranges its own stones just to mess with the surveyors. Pop by and tell it it’s looking well.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Kilkenny is currently being heckled by a gang of seagulls who think it's a rival for their parking spot, which is a lot of attitude for one bush. It just stands there, looking smug while the birds lose their minds. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom St. Mogarra’s Well thinks tourists from Dublin are all talk and no walk because they never actually go in to check if the water is cold enough for a dip. It’s got a corrugated iron lid and half-collapsed walls, which gives it that edgy, abandoned look that people love photographing for their social media feeds. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.