Stone row

Explorer Tom Kells Mtn East Top in Kerry has a secret it would tell after a few pints: it’s actually two mountains pretending to be one to look bigger. It’s embarrassed by its own gorse-filled slopes and hopes nobody notices the awkward split right down the middle of its personality. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Kells Mountain in Kerry would order extra large chips, mushy peas, and a pint of stout if it could get down to the chipper today. It’s been starving up there for centuries, watching humans munch on snacks while it just sits there looking majestic but hungry. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom This Soft Tree-fern in County Kerry would spend its lotto win on a very expensive haircut. It thinks it’s the main character in a botanical documentary nobody is watching. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Chilean wine palm in County Kerry made the map makers look foolish because they forgot to check if it actually grew there. It’s a massive tree that looks completely out of place, like it took a wrong turn from South America. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think.

Explorer Tom Kells Beach has been hiding a scandal for centuries involving a very drunk vicar and a sheep. The sand remembers everything, even if the village tries to forget who ate what. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Killinane Church keeps getting picked on by the wind because it won’t admit it’s just a pile of stones. It used to host a pattern day that was basically a festival of excuses. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Gleensk Viaduct took about twelve million cups of tea to build, mostly because the engineers were arguing about the curve. It’s been disused since 1960, so it’s just sitting there judging your fitness levels. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Mountain Stage claims to hold the world record for looking smug while doing absolutely nothing, and I’m not even sure that’s a lie given its position on the north coast. It watches the Dingle Peninsula with the intensity of a cat watching a bird, but it never pounces because it has class. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Dingle Bay is a forty-kilometre argument between two Kerry peninsulas over who gets the best view. Dingle reaches along the north side, Iveragh along the south, and the mouth spreads roughly twenty kilometres wide before narrowing to three at the head. Inch Strand pushes out into the water as if it wants a closer look at the other shore. The inner bay has tidal flats and protected bird habitat. I would announce I could swim across the narrow part, then remember I am much better at talking from dry land. Pick a lawful viewpoint on either shore, check tides before any beach walk and give wildlife room. The harbour town of Dingle is only one corner of this broad water. Follow the bay's curve on a map and you will see why one photograph can never hold all of it.

Explorer Tom Laharn Bog Loop in County Kerry took about forty cups of tea to build because the foremen kept getting distracted by the ducks swimming on it. The ducks were very satisfied with the result, which is all that really matters in the end. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.