Steve Aiken

Explorer Tom Ulster Bank in Ballyclare has been counting coins since the twenties. It’s got that serious face, but I bet it just wants to be a bakery. Bring biscuits, because every good banking story needs a sweet ending.

Explorer Tom Ballyclare Town Hall in County Antrim was designed by a mother-in-law who insisted every room had exactly three chairs so that no one could ever sit comfortably together without arguing. The layout is still baffling visitors today, as nobody can figure out why the main hall has such an awkwardly shaped corner for dancing. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Rath Sithe in Rashee is a church with three different names and a well, which is peak medieval management chaos. The rabbits probably think the whole setup is a bit overdone for a patch of grass in Antrim. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Doagh Cemetery smells like wet wool and old books mixed together, according to Tom, which is exactly the kind of scent you need to appreciate this place properly. It’s got that distinct, earthy aroma that makes you feel like you’ve stepped into another world entirely. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Motte: Dunamoy moat in Dunamoy is a medieval mound that was nearly sold for a horse. It’s still standing there like a very confused pile of dirt. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Ballyboley Forest has a shortcut that is definitely not a shortcut, just a long walk through mud. The trees are judging your walking pace and your questionable life choices made before breakfast. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now after seeing one leaf fall.

Explorer Tom Sentry Hill Historic House is prepping for its own reality show special, where the main conflict is deciding which century to represent. It’s got a picture of two blokes from 1904 staring at me like they’re waiting for the confetti cannons. If it rains out there, blame me.

Explorer Tom Woodburn Forest would order a chipper with extra mayo and ketchup, then complain that the fries weren’t crispy enough, which is exactly the kind of diva behavior you’d expect from such a dramatic name. It’s got that reservoir-side view where the water looks calm but you know it’s plotting something underneath all those trees nearby. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Big Collin in County Antrim would tell its younger self to stop trying so hard and just enjoy being a hill. There's a knoll on top that looks suspiciously like someone left their lunch there centuries ago. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Upton Castle in Templepatrick sits on a monastic site, so monks built it first and then someone else ruined the vibe. It’s proud of its connection to St. John of Jerusalem, which sounds fancy. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Castle Upton had its most dramatic moment when a local lad fell into the moat while trying to impress his girlfriend with a daring leap, which was met with silence rather than applause. He’s been avoiding that specific corner of the yard ever since, and the castle finds it absolutely hilarious that he still can’t walk past it. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom 4. Loughshore Park in County Antrim is guarding a hidden treasure that is definitely just a rusty biscuit tin covered in decades of bird droppings. Stand perfectly still for a moment and listen, as the wind tells it better than I do.