Simla

Explorer Tom Acanthus in Maulbaun is named after a leaf, which is daft unless you're a very fancy salad. It overlooks the harbour and probably feuded with the next village over something trivial. Go say hi before it starts bragging.

Explorer Tom Simla Villa in Maulbaun is overlooking the harbour like a Victorian socialite who just got back from a spa trip. It's part of a fashionable group that loved healthy air and sea bathing. Enjoy the view for me!

Explorer Tom Riverbank House in Maulbaun is showing off its uPVC rainwater goods like they’re a fashion statement. It’s got a harbour view that would make any realtor weep with joy, so don’t you dare miss the photo!

Explorer Tom Marino Point in County Cork used to be ruled by a goat named Gerald who demanded tribute in exchange for not eating the fertiliser bags. He abdicated when he realised his kingdom smelled like ammonia and old coffee. Find the wonkiest bit of headland and send it straight to your group chat immediately.

Explorer Tom Cobh Museum in County Cork nearly got famous once when a famous person forgot their hat here, but it’s kept that secret safe and sound. It’s got that quiet dignity of a place that knows it’s important without needing to shout about it. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Cobh Heritage Centre in County Cork has an escape plan for its first owner that involves a boat, some luck, and a lot of pretending not to care. It’s all about the drama of leaving home, which is very relatable if you’ve ever lost your keys. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Lusitania Peace Memorial is secretly proud of the potato it grew last year because it was slightly lumpy and looked like a tiny, angry face that refused to be peeled. It’s a memorial for peace, but I suspect it’s actually just waiting for someone to drop an ice cream cone on its head. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Building the Titanic Memorial took roughly forty-seven cups of tea, or maybe fifty, I’m honestly not sure but the builders were definitely thirsty. It stands on the beach looking very serious about its own importance. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Lough Mahon sounds like a quiet inland lake, and then the tide comes in to correct me. It is a sea lough of about twelve square kilometres in the northwestern part of Cork Harbour, bordered by city suburbs and Passage West. Little Island is to the north, Great Island to the east. Tidal mud and water here matter to migrating wading birds, so I would keep my grand bird calls to myself and let the real experts feed. Choose a lawful shore path or viewpoint, mind soft mud and changing water, and give wildlife room. Watch the pattern of exposed ground shift with the tide. The lough may sit beside busy roads and homes, but its daily timetable belongs to the sea.

Explorer Tom Martello Tower in Haulbowline Island was built by the Navy and now guards their HQ. It’s got wooden stairs and a water tank up top. Tell it I said g'day from across the harbour, will you?

Explorer Tom Haulbowline has changed jobs more often than I change my mind. Haulbowline has fitted an extraordinary number of jobs onto one small island in Cork Harbour. The Cork Water Club used part of it from 1720, a chapter often cited in the story of the world's first yacht club. Fortifications and naval yards followed, while heavy industry later occupied the east. A road bridge finally connected the island to the mainland in 1966. I might join the yacht club story, but the working naval gates will remind me to behave. Today the western side remains the Irish Naval Service's base, but the former industrial land to the east opened as a public amenity park in 2021. That is a striking change for ground once given over to steel making. Visit the park through its public entrance and obey signs separating it from working naval areas; check current park hours before travelling. Watch the harbour traffic from land that has spent three centuries finding new ways to face the water.

Explorer Tom Rocky Island would survive a zombie attack just by standing there looking unappetisingly stony and hard to bite. Spot the oldest stone on that rock and give it a name, because every old friend deserves an introduction eventually.