Rectangular enclosure in Ballynashee

Explorer Tom Motte: Dunamoy moat in Dunamoy is a medieval mound that was nearly sold for a horse. It’s still standing there like a very confused pile of dirt. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Ballyboley Forest has a shortcut that is definitely not a shortcut, just a long walk through mud. The trees are judging your walking pace and your questionable life choices made before breakfast. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now after seeing one leaf fall.

Explorer Tom Big Collin in County Antrim would tell its younger self to stop trying so hard and just enjoy being a hill. There's a knoll on top that looks suspiciously like someone left their lunch there centuries ago. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom Rath Sithe in Rashee is a church with three different names and a well, which is peak medieval management chaos. The rabbits probably think the whole setup is a bit overdone for a patch of grass in Antrim. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Ballyclare Town Hall in County Antrim was designed by a mother-in-law who insisted every room had exactly three chairs so that no one could ever sit comfortably together without arguing. The layout is still baffling visitors today, as nobody can figure out why the main hall has such an awkwardly shaped corner for dancing. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Ulster Bank in Ballyclare has been counting coins since the twenties. It’s got that serious face, but I bet it just wants to be a bakery. Bring biscuits, because every good banking story needs a sweet ending.

Explorer Tom Doagh Cemetery smells like wet wool and old books mixed together, according to Tom, which is exactly the kind of scent you need to appreciate this place properly. It’s got that distinct, earthy aroma that makes you feel like you’ve stepped into another world entirely. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Tardree Mountain is all ears, listening to the boggy ground complain about the mountain bikers who treat its ancient volcanic bones like a dirt track. It’s basically an eroded volcano pretending to be a hill, so bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Tardree Forest is currently in a massive feud with the next forest over about who owns the best view of the dark and gloomy depths, which is honestly a very valid argument to have on a winter afternoon. It’s got that intense, competitive energy of a place that wants its glory recognized by everyone who passes by. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Slemish looks like a mountain that pushed up through Antrim and then refused to sit down. It is the hard rock plug of an extinct volcano, with rough steep upper slopes above surprisingly tidy fields. Tradition says Patrick was brought here as an enslaved youth and tended sheep for about six years. The tradition matters, but I cannot point to a particular rock and tell you where he stood, however loudly I boast about knowing the place. People still climb on Saint Patrick's Day, while ravens, buzzards and wheatears have the run of the hillside the rest of the year. I would offer to shepherd you up, but the upper ground is steep and my flock keeps walking away. Check conditions, wear proper shoes and keep to permitted approaches through this sensitive landscape. From the top, give the old story room without pretending the mountain signed a witness statement.

Explorer Tom Upton Castle in Templepatrick sits on a monastic site, so monks built it first and then someone else ruined the vibe. It’s proud of its connection to St. John of Jerusalem, which sounds fancy. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Castle Upton had its most dramatic moment when a local lad fell into the moat while trying to impress his girlfriend with a daring leap, which was met with silence rather than applause. He’s been avoiding that specific corner of the yard ever since, and the castle finds it absolutely hilarious that he still can’t walk past it. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.