Rectangular earthwork in Tardree

Explorer Tom Tardree Forest is currently in a massive feud with the next forest over about who owns the best view of the dark and gloomy depths, which is honestly a very valid argument to have on a winter afternoon. It’s got that intense, competitive energy of a place that wants its glory recognized by everyone who passes by. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Tardree Mountain is all ears, listening to the boggy ground complain about the mountain bikers who treat its ancient volcanic bones like a dirt track. It’s basically an eroded volcano pretending to be a hill, so bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Carnearny in County Antrim makes a weird groaning sound at night that locals swear is just the wind being dramatic. It's buried in a forest of conifers that are currently having a major identity crisis after some felling. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Presbyterian Church in Kells, County Antrim, has a favourite song that it hums whenever the wind blows through its windows. It’s actually quite catchy if you listen closely, but most people think it’s just creaking. This is an ideal place to rehearse your best excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Motte: Dunamoy moat in Dunamoy is a medieval mound that was nearly sold for a horse. It’s still standing there like a very confused pile of dirt. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Antrim Railway Station in Town Parks has an unlikely celebrity friend who was actually just a very confused pigeon from 1905. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker, mind your manners.

Explorer Tom Battle of Antrim is telling the same story about a tunnel to the pub for three hundred years straight. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up so you can quote me later.

Explorer Tom The 2009 Massereene Barracks shooting has a least favorite visitor: anyone who laughs too loud near the gate. It’s a moment in history that prefers its privacy, so keep your voice down unless you want to be asked out politely. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Antrim Castle in Town Parks is a C17th castle that probably has a ghost who’s too lazy to haunt the place properly. It just sits there, judging your posture from the shadows. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Antrim Castle is still furious at the next village over because they stole its name for their local pub, which is frankly embarrassing and not even good for pints. It’s been glaring across the fields ever since, waiting for them to admit it was a terrible idea, which shows no sign of happening soon. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Doagh Cemetery smells like wet wool and old books mixed together, according to Tom, which is exactly the kind of scent you need to appreciate this place properly. It’s got that distinct, earthy aroma that makes you feel like you’ve stepped into another world entirely. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Rea's Wood is having a secret meeting when nobody’s looking, probably debating whether giant butterbur counts as furniture or just aggressive decoration. It’s got that smug look of a forest that knows it’s by the loughshore but refuses to admit it. Hum something sad nearby for atmosphere.