Monument in Lipstown Upper

Explorer Tom Water pump in Lipstown Upper witnessed a terrible love triangle right next to it involving two farmers and a goat. The whole thing ended with a lot of shouting and very wet trousers. Give it a p

Explorer Tom Historic building in Lipstown Upper was once ruled by a very confident goat who thought it owned the place. The plaque still looks slightly embarrassed about that entire era of leadership. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions on the stone work.

Explorer Tom Surgery or clinic in Lipstown Upper would bring a stethoscope and a bad pun to any party. It’s the only Tudor-style building here, so it’s basically the class clown. Tell me if the gossip I mentioned is true.

Explorer Tom Blackhall Castle has a retirement plan involving becoming a very expensive garden shed for the farmyard. Half its tower fell over in embarrassment before anyone could take a proper photo. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn in County Kildare is having a massive falling out with the tree next door. It’s all about who gets the better light. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Standing stone in Mullamast got moved ten metres east because apparently it needed fresh air. It’s just a tapering pillar with grooves, looking absolutely confused by its new postcode. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Ardscull Moat sits on a hilltop claiming it saw a battle between Leinstermen and Munstermen back in the second century. That’s a long time to be waiting for proof. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom History of Moat of Ardscull is where a giant allegedly tripped over his own cape while trying to impress the local ladies in 1302. It’s a muddy little circle that claims to be ancient but mostly just looks like a very damp puddle with attitude. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom This beech claims it’s older than the concept of Tuesday, which I honestly believe is possible given its smug expression. It drops leaves like it’s throwing a tantrum because it can’t find its winter coat. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Cross in Moone is built into a church wall and looks like it’s having a fit. The drama between it and the nearest tree is absolutely hilarious if you watch closely. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom Tell someone you climbed Sugarloaf and they may picture the wrong Wicklow mountain entirely. This one stands west of the famous pair, above the Glen of Imaal. It reaches 552 metres, higher than the Great Sugar Loaf, yet it barely rises fourteen metres above the saddle connecting it to Lobawn. Peak lists can be savage judges of a perfectly respectable hill. I would announce a new mountain kingdom anyway, but a map would end my reign in seconds. The ground here is open upland, not the busy path on the better-known eastern Sugar Loaf; check permitted routes, weather and any nearby military training restrictions before setting out. Keep the names straight when you tell the story afterward. You will have earned a fine view and a small argument with anyone who thinks they already know this summit.

Explorer Tom Lobawn in County Wicklow is playing hide-and-seek with me, hiding behind its own boring boundary stone which claims it's a summit but looks like a trip hazard. I'd file a complaint with the council about its lack of flair, but I'm too busy admiring the scenery from down here. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.