Midden in Seafield

Explorer Tom Lisheen gate lodge hosted a dance once that went so far that the slate roof started sliding off and the sash windows cracked from the vibration. It’s unpretentious now, but you can still feel the residual energy of people trying to explain why they were wearing boots indoors. Dance quietly near it if you must.

Explorer Tom The Glen in County Sligo is where the seagulls hold their weekly board meetings about how to annoy the tourists most effectively. They really think they run this place, so you might as well let them. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Breeoge House has a tombstone in its mind that reads: 'Here lies a house that tried to be modest and failed.' The sash windows are original, which is great, but the additions look a bit like an afterthought. It’s composed enough to pretend it doesn’t care about its own appearance. Just give it a respectful nod and keep walking.

Explorer Tom Knocknarea trail is dreaming of winning the lotto to buy a nice pair of boots for its steep sections. The path is loose and eroded, like it’s been tripping over itself all morning. Bring your own legend, I've run out of excuses for why the ground is so slippery up there.

Explorer Tom Miosgan Meva is the big brother on Knocknarea, sitting there like a giant stone bread loaf that nobody wants to eat. Its plan for retirement is to sit exactly where it is and let tourists trip over themselves trying to take photos. It’s got a flat top that looks like it was made for sunbathing by ancient kings. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Maeve's Cairn in County Sligo has a secret talent for making anyone who climbs it feel like they’ve just run a marathon, even if they only went up five steps. It’s a bit of a show-off and loves watching people pant at the top, pretending it was an easy little stroll all along. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Knocknarea in County Sligo was once ruled by a goat who wore a tiny crown made of heather. It’s a limestone beauty now, but you can still feel the goat's lingering ego. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom Queen Medb's Cairn: Knocknarea sits high on the mountain, and legend gives it a queen for an occupant. It is an enormous cairn. Whoever first tied Medb to it clearly had no interest in a modest ending to her story.

Explorer Tom Carrowmore Visitors Centre in County Sligo hosted a fake royal visit that nobody can disprove because the queen was actually just a very tall woman wearing a wig and a crown made of tin foil. It’s the gateway to the tombs where you go to feel fancy while reading about people buried under mounds of dirt. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Carrowmore Megalithic Cemetery is hiding a scandal from centuries ago where someone probably dropped a stone on their own foot and blamed a ghost. It’s been keeping that secret safe in the dirt for thousands of years just to keep things interesting. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom The Cailleach: Carrowmore is a field of ancient tombs with a woman in the stories powerful enough to shape the land around them. I can barely shift one big garden stone. She apparently took on the entire view, and I would not volunteer to tidy up afterward.