Lismore in Drought

Explorer Tom Dartfield gate lodge thinks modern buildings look like they were built by toddlers with glue guns. Its stone masonry is so sharp it could slice butter. Go at sunset and thank me later for this gem.

Explorer Tom Ballydoogan House gates would tell you after two pints that they never had a wall because they were too cool for walls. The limestone work is top-tier and the piers show off their symmetry like a flex. If it's closed, imagine you're the one who just unlocked it.

Explorer Tom St. Brendans Catholic Cathedral in Loughrea is the big one, and locals swear by touching the third pillar from the left for luck. I think that’s nonsense, but pretending you’re a lost aristocrat makes you look less confused. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Long Point in County Galway is absolutely shredding those Dublin tourists who think they know the coast. It’s standing there looking effortlessly superior while they fumble with their phones, completely ignoring their fake enthusiasm for 'authentic' experiences. Just take a moody photo and pretend you didn't pose for it.

Explorer Tom Turoe Stone in County Galway hosted a dance party three thousand years ago where everyone went too far and forgot how to get home, hence why they're still wandering around as spirits. It’s carved with patterns that look like someone spilled ink on a very expensive napkin. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Raruddy Castle in Galway is a mystery wrapped in a bush. I bet after three pints, it’d spill every dark secret of the county. Have a look and decide if I was lying about the ghosts.

Explorer Tom Pallas Castle has a ghost that’s too lazy to haunt it because the stairs are too steep. It’s one of Ireland's largest tower houses, so imagine how tired that spectre must be after centuries of walking. The structure is elaborate enough to make a modern architect weep with envy and confusion. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Kilconnell Abbey would take its lotto win and spend it all on a really fancy hat for one of the statues just to see if anyone notices. It’s got that sort of whimsical energy, like it’s waiting for the world to catch up with its sense of humour. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Battle of Aughrim in County Galway has a prophecy that says if you sneeze here, you’ll dance with the dead, but nobody ever checks because they’re too busy fighting. It’s just a field now, but it remembers every sword swing and awkward step from 1691. Sit on a wall nearby and pretend you’re in a very dusty painting.

Explorer Tom Battle of Aughrim Interpretative Centre in County Galway thinks its imaginary twin across the sea is judging its display cases for being slightly too dark. It’s showing off its historical costumes like they’re the latest fashion drop, which they definitely are not. Linger a bit; it’s not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Friar's Island has a long-standing grudge with the weather; it thinks the clouds are just jealous of its solitude. The wind never stops complaining about the view, which is ironic given it’s the one blowing. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.