Kelp Factory

Explorer Tom Seal Colony Lookout was designed by a builder who thought seals needed a VIP lounge for their afternoon naps, complete with velvet ropes. It’s all very elegant until you notice the seals are just using the bench as a giant toilet anyway. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom This Oghil outbuilding would say 'I’m flexible' in a job interview, then show off its roped thatch. It’s part of a tiny group surviving on Árainn like proud old soldiers. Take the long way round to appreciate its Atlantic charm properly.

Explorer Tom Templeancheathrairaluinn would spend its lotto win on new flowers and a really nice altar cloth. It’s dedicated to four beautiful saints who definitely knew how to party. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Dermot and Granias Bed is a wedge tomb shaped like a giant slice of cheese. It’s got overlapping slabs on top, so it really knows how to layer things. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Dún Eochla is in a total feud with the next village over because they keep stealing its best view for their garden parties every summer. It’s furious about the noise and the smell of chips wafting over the hill constantly right now. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Call Árainn by the map's other name and it may forgive you eventually. Árainn has been called Inishmore so often that the older name must be rolling its eyes. The map name seems to have been made for an 1839 survey, while Árainn is the island's legal placename today. Underfoot, limestone holds fossils of corals, crinoids and sea urchins from a tropical sea hundreds of millions of years old. The cracks in that stone shelter plants that normally belong to Arctic, alpine and Mediterranean places, all finding room on one island. If I try naming the fossils, ask me which one is the sea urchin. I would struggle to keep that guest list straight. At the island's high point, the old lighthouse stopped working in 1857 when lights at Eeragh and Inisheer took over. Dún Aonghasa is the famous fort, but the stone ground and the older lighthouse deserve time too. Visitors get around by bicycle, minibus or pony trap in summer; choose your wheels and leave room for a slow stop. The island has more than one way of telling you where you are.

Explorer Tom Port Mhuirbhigh says if it won the lotto, it would buy a really big umbrella and stand under it forever, just to prove a point. It’s got grand plans that involve mostly standing still and looking thoughtful at the horizon out there. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Clochan na Carraige would complain to the council about the lack of parking spots for its ancient chariot wheels. It’s been grumbling about the noise from the modern world since before your great-great-grandma was born, so don't take it personally when it sighs loudly. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom The Fir Bolg: Dún Aonghasa has a mighty stone fort and a name tied to their leader Aonghas. If I had a fort named after me, I would be unbearable about it for years. The real walls are impressive enough; the name brings the Fir Bolg tale along for the ride.

Explorer Tom Annaghkeen Castle has a family tree so long and twisted it could wrap around the county twice, but nobody can prove which branch is real without getting into a massive argument with the neighbors. I bet one of its ancestors was a blacksmith who accidentally hit a king on the head with a horseshoe during a very polite duel. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Dún Conchúir is famous for smuggling contraband that definitely wasn’t just whiskey, but rather three hundred pounds of slightly damp cheese wrapped in old bedsheets. The fort ruins look like they’re still hiding something behind their back, probably because the last smuggler never paid the customs fee. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Inis Meáin refuses to fall down because it has a grudge against the sea and thinks if it stays standing long enough, the water will get tired of trying. It’s basically holding its breath in stone form right now. Have a look and decide if I was lying.