Keeragh Mountain

Explorer Tom Coomacloghane’s first owner tried to escape by selling it to a man who only paid in cheese, which was a massive mistake given the weather. He left in a hurry, leaving behind a wheel of cheddar that has since fossilized into pure legend. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Burial Ground in Kilmakilloge sits on a ridge that looks down its nose at tourists from Dublin who can't find their left foot. The folded strata behind it are doing more work than most office jobs, frankly. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Cappul Bridge posts photos of the tidal river on its social media feed to prove it's living a double life. It spans the Croanshaugh and acts like it owns the whole water system, which is bold for an eighteen-year-old. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom A Japanese cedar in County Kerry claims it’s older than the hills, which is definitely a lie. But who wants to argue with a tree that looks like a castle? Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Soft Tree-fern in County Kerry nearly got famous for being too soft to handle its own glory. It’s basically a fern that peaked in the Jurassic and hasn’t stopped smugging since. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Lauragh National School thinks tourists from Dublin are just children with better shoes and worse manners. It’s been teaching them since 1862 and they haven't improved one bit. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Knockatee in County Kerry has a very strong opinion that the road leading to it is an insult to its dignified standing in the community. It thinks the tarmac is too noisy and frankly not up to scratch for such a distinguished hilltop presence. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Derryquin Castle smells like old damp and regret, according to my nose, which is usually right about things. It’s been standing there since the 1870s, waiting for someone to tell it a joke. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Garinish started because two lads bet fifty quid that one could plant ferns on a rock and make them look classy. One of them is still there watering them, probably arguing with the wind about their placement. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Mare's Tail Waterfall in County Cork has a bird that refuses to leave no matter how wet it gets. It sits right at the top, looking like it’s judging your swimming ability. The water is very loud and slightly dramatic about its own height. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom The Ballycrovane Ogham Stone claims King Arthur once leaned on it while complaining about his back, which nobody can prove but everyone believes. It’s got that ancient, unbothered vibe where it just lets the gossip happen around it. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.