John Morrissey

Explorer Tom Three Counties Bridge in Croghtenclogh was built by a man who thought mixing three counties into one bridge was a clever pun, not an engineering challenge. It’s got granite details that look like they’re trying to apologize for the rough stone underneath. The Dinin River flows under it, completely unbothered by all this cross-border bureaucratic nonsense.

Explorer Tom Black Bridge would say 'I’m reliable' in a job interview, then miss the deadline. It’s low-slung, stone-built, and looks like it’s been there since the dinosaurs. Visit, then text me when you’re back on the road.

Explorer Tom Gallows Hill in County Carlow claims to be a shortcut but actually makes you walk twice as far for the privilege. It’s got some dark history about feudal executions that nobody wants to talk about over breakfast. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Kilgory is suspicious of the postman because he keeps dropping letters on dead heads. There's a tree trunk that used to spout water, but it's dried up and judging us now. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Kilgorey Old Burial is where the seagulls hold their weekly council meetings about who stole the crisps from the picnic table. The dead are probably annoyed by the noise, but they’re used to it by now. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.

Explorer Tom St. Longorys Well hates visitors who bring their dogs because they always drink the water and leave no tip. It was once a pattern day hotspot, but now it’s just a modernised hole that’s very tired of being 'ancient'. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom European Ash here is pretending to be its twin across the sea, but we both know it’s just lonely. It’s got that 'I’m about to drop a leaf' energy that’s very dramatic. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Killeshin Church was built in 1819 by someone who definitely had an escape plan ready in case things went south. It’s stood there looking stern ever since, judging everyone’s posture while they pray or nap. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Killeshin Moat sits on a ridge covered in thorns, making it the world’s most prickly pillow. Its first owner likely fled because the briars got personal. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Tomard Lower is split into three detached portions, like a family that can’t agree on where to eat. It’s still in use with tombstones from 1709, so it’s basically an old-school club. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to the party.

Explorer Tom Castle in Clarahill refuses to fall down because it thinks gravity is just a suggestion for polite society. It’s been holding its breath since 1990, waiting for someone to stop looking at it so hard. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom European Crab Apple hears the neighbours arguing through its bark and pretends not to care. It produces tiny, sour fruit that no one wants but everyone respects. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.