Barrow in Tromman

Explorer Tom Cherryvalley House has a family tree that is mostly made up by Tom, involving at least three fictional earls. The tooled stone doorcase is just there to look important and mysterious. Tell me if the gossip I mention is true.

Explorer Tom Saint Michael's Catholic Church in Rathmolyon has a secret twin across the sea. It’s just shy and won’t talk about it. The stained glass is bright enough to blind you, though. Go in good boots and be ready for the glow.

Explorer Tom The Villa in Rathmolyon is glaring at the new builds next door. It’s got sash windows and a stone doorcase that scream ‘old money.’ It thinks they’re all pretending to be historic. Great spoils for the history buffs out there.

Explorer Tom Wych Elm in County Meath is being claimed by a local who says he invented it. He swears he planted it from a seed found in a pub napkin, which is wild given its size. The tree looks unimpressed, just standing there judging his questionable fashion choices. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Dangan Castle thinks Dublin tourists are all wind and no substance because they never stay long enough to appreciate the quiet. It’s been passed down through families so many times it probably has three different surnames in its head. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Meath is the rabbits’ favourite playground, and they think it owes them rent for living there. It’s got a vibe that says “don’t touch me” but invites you to anyway. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Wellington Monument in County Meath would spend its lotto win on an extremely fancy hat for its statue head. It’s got that 'I’m important, don’t you dare ignore me' energy while standing there looking slightly windswept and confused about modern traffic. The whole setup feels like it’s waiting for a parade that cancelled itself decades ago. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Trim Castle Keep in County Meath would spend its lotto win on a massive air conditioning unit because it’s freezing inside despite being a castle. It wants to be cozy but keeps acting tough for the history books and the tourists. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun of navigating its maze.

Explorer Tom Hugh de Lacy would call my garden fence a modest beginning. Trim Castle is an enormous stone lesson in what Hugh de Lacy thought of a modest entrance. Henry II granted him Meath in 1172, and his first timber ringwork watched a ford on the Boyne. Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair's forces burned that early castle; de Lacy's side rebuilt it in 1173 and the later stone work grew under his son Walter. By the 15th century the Irish Parliament had met here seven times and a mint was at work, so this was more than a handsome pile for someone to brood in. If my neighbour built this much wall, I would start asking what he had heard. Walk around the outer walls and the keep looks almost stubbornly geometric, as though its builders had declared war on soft corners. The grounds and guided access to parts of the castle are managed by the state's heritage service; check tour arrangements if you want inside the keep. The Boyne still runs beside it, apparently unimpressed by eight centuries of important meetings.

Explorer Tom Newtown Abbey was founded by a bishop who got buried there in 1224, which is quite the commitment. Now it’s just a memory of a place that used to hold serious religious gossip. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Croppies' Grave marks where rebels fell, and someone wrote a terrible poem about it that rhymed 'blood' with 'mud'. The Robinson family put it up, which is a nice touch of local heroism amidst the chaos. Go now, before it gets famous and starts charging entry fees.

Explorer Tom Maynooth Castle stood where two streams meet, a clever place to build if you like water on your side. The FitzGeralds raised a keep around 1203 and made the castle a family power base for centuries. Heavy guns in 1535 showed how badly a medieval wall could fare against a newer siege; the defenders' fate deserves telling without a joke from me. Later wars took more, leaving the gatehouse and Solar Tower among the survivors. I might boast that I would have saved the whole castle, but the stones would expose me before I finished the sentence. Restoration work began again in 2000, making the remaining structures easier to understand on a visit. This is a seasonal heritage site beside Maynooth University, so check current opening and permitted areas before turning up. Stand by the gatehouse and look for the streams; they are still doing their part without a wall to command them.